


Give me a pen, I'll write you a story

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Asshole Brock Rumlow, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, College Student Bucky Barnes, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Dominant Steve Rogers, Dry Humping, Light Bondage, Lingerie, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sex Talk, Slow Burn, Smut, Spanking, Top Steve Rogers, Verbal Humiliation, author Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:13:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24324829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You look beautiful on your knees for me, Bucky.” Steve praised. “Worth all the money.”Bucky preened. He was beautiful, he was worthy, he was worth the… Wait, what the fuck? He was worth the money?OrCollege student Bucky Barnes had the opportunity of a lifetime to meet the famous author SG Rogers whom he had worshipped for as long as he can remember, but Rogers turned out to be a total asshole. Unfortunately, their paths kept crossing and Bucky had to deal with his super annoying walking wet dream.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 89
Kudos: 353





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, welcome to another story. This time it’s a Stucky fic, but I’m also writing another Starker fic right now (I should probably finish my term paper, but writing stories is so much more fun).  
> English isn’t my primary language, so I’m sorry for the mistakes.  
> I’m also on [Tumblr](https://jeranasblog.tumblr.com/) now, feel free to write me there.  
> Enjoy <3

„Wow, Buck. I can’t believe it. You’re actually on time.” Sam Wilson, Bucky’s best friend since elementary school looked at him like he was announcing to emigrate to Siberia.

Bucky groaned and dropped on the chair opposite to Sam. They met in their favourite coffeeshop across the campus like they usually did on Wednesday afternoons. Bucky was late every week, but today he had submitted his term paper last-minute, leaving no time to go back to his dorm, so he went to their meeting right away.

“Shut up, Sam.” Bucky had spent the last twenty-four hours awake and only the promise of a triple shot espresso ensured that he came anyway. “Tell me, what’s poppin.”

“What’s poppin?” Sam smirked, waving at a waiter to order coffee for Bucky. “How old are you? Ten?”

“Excuse me.” Bucky sulked, his lower lip captured between his teeth. “I’ve slept about ten hours in the last week. Finals are killing me. And then you insist on my lovely company just because you wanna tell me something. Let it better be good.”

Bucky knew he was acting grumpy, but honestly, he didn’t care. Sam had known him forever, a little bit of Bucky’s best attitude won’t scare him off. Besides, what good was a best friend if he couldn't let out his frustration about his busy schedule?

Sam smiled disgustingly cheerful, and Bucky had to suppress a gag. It was difficult to be happy for Sam, when he would rather lie in his bed surrounded by his comfy pillows, but Sam was important to him, so he pulled himself together. He was truly a self-sacrificing friend, well not really, but he tried to be.

“Spill.” Bucky groaned while he was fighting against the urge to close his eyes.

“Would you like to hear the good news first or the very good news, Buck?” Sam asked cheerily and Bucky mentally begged for a coffee to be able to endure this disaster. What had he done to deserve such a menace as a best friend?

Fortunately, the waiter arrived at the same moment, providing Bucky with an extra-large triple shot espresso refined with a shot of milk. Sam had ordered the coffee just the way Bucky loved it and he couldn’t even be angry anymore, because damn it, his best friend knew very well that Bucky would forgive anything if he was bribed with good coffee. Although dragging him out of bed was still a really shitty thing and Bucky claimed his right to sulk a little longer. Perhaps just a few minutes.

“Very good news.” Bucky replied snippyly, even though his attitude was merely an act.

Sam smiled as if Christmas came early this year. “I have a date with Riley.”

Bucky, who had just then taken a big sip of his amazing coffee, choked, spilling the liquid all over the table. An old married couple sitting at the table next to theirs looked at him with disgust, but he paid no mind.

“Sam, that’s amazing.” Bucky laughed, truly happy for his friend. “I thought you were too scared to ask him out.”

“I wasn’t scared.” Sam replied indignantly but with a soft smile on his face. “Just… There was no opportunity.”

“Sure.” Bucky’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “There was no opportunity when you went to the library every day for the last six weeks to watch him study, or when you waited behind him in line for the coffee shop although you don’t even like coffee, or when you sat under a stupid tree for hours to watch him play basketball with his friends, or-“

Sam interrupted him. “Okay, okay, I admit it. I might have tried to cross his paths.”

“Cross his paths?” Bucky raised his brows and crossed his arms over his chest, realising once again that his best friend was an idiot. “Pal, you have been literally stalking him. At least you didn’t create a fake account to watch him on social media.”

Sam lowered his gaze bashfully, trying not to look Bucky in his eyes. Bucky groaned, it was official. His best friend was not only an idiot, he was a weirdo.

“Tell me you didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t.”

“It was only one time.” Sam blurted. “And I didn’t even like anything. I just didn’t want him to recognize my username after I watched his Insta story.”

Bucky barely stopped himself from banging his head on the table. Why was this his life? Why did he have a best friend who not only prevented him from getting enough sleep, but who also acted like a ten-year-old when he tried to get in touch with his crush? It wasn’t fair.

“How did you even manage to ask him out?”

“I didn’t.” Sam confessed sheepishly. “He approached me after his basketball game, saying he had seen me a couple of times and that he thought I was handsome and he wanted to grab a coffee with me sometime.”

“Did you tell him you don’t even like coffee?” Bucky asked, starring at his best friend as if he was telling him he was going to rob a bank.

“Of course not.” Sam sounded terrified. “I’ll just order some tea, he won’t notice anyway. It was embarrassing enough that he caught me stalking him during his basketball game, at least he should think for a little while longer that our encounters in the coffeeshop were coincidences.” As if anyone could ever think daily meetings in a coffee shop could be a coincident and Riley wasn’t even stupid. He had noticed for sure.

“Aha.” Bucky only responded to one thing. “You confessed you were stalking him.”

Sam groaned and rested his head on his hands. “For god’s sake, fine. I was stalking him.”

Bucky grinned and clearly enjoyed having the last word. Even though he was teasing Sam about his horrible dating habits, he was happy for his best friend. Sam had had a crush on Riley for months and Bucky had never expected the feelings might be reciprocated. Sam was a great guy, anyone should be lucky to date him, but he became an idiot when he really liked someone. And Bucky saw it as his duty to remind his friend every day how stupid he could be. Completely selflessly, of course, just to help Sam do better next time.

“Now that I’ll get to know my man, it’s your turn. Someone special in your life?” Sam’s question hit Bucky unexpectedly, and he couldn’t help but frown.

“No one.” He answered snippily, trying to avoid Sam’s gaze.

Sam sighed and reached across the table to grab his hands. Bucks hadn’t even noticed that he had gripped the handle of his cup pretty harshly and his knuckles turned white. “Bucky, this thing with Brock ended six months ago. Don’t you think it’s time to let go?”

All the happiness Bucky had felt for Sam vanished, leaving a familiar cold feeling behind. Of course, Sam was thinking he had to move on, his best friend didn’t know the truth. Bucky had told him that Brock had left after a tough fight, that things had gotten ugly after a while. It was true in a way, but it wasn’t the whole story.

Bucky had met Brock when he started college and Brock had been amazing. Older, more mature and attentive, taking Bucky out to fancy clubs and expensive restaurants. Bucky had been enraptured, loving the attention of an older handsome man after he had left the small village where he had lived. 

Bucky had spent the last ten years in a small town in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields and cows. The nearest city was two hours away and he had hated the isolation all his life, wishing he could live in a city. His mother had moved to the country after his father had died, taking him and his younger sister Becca with her. The rent was cheaper, the air was fresher, and Bucky’s mom had needed the distance to adjust to a life as a single mother and a widow.

But for Bucky, country life had been hell. He had known he was gay, even before they had left the city and the kids in the small village hadn’t been very accepting. He had never been bullied due to his snarky personality, but he had to prove himself a thousand times more often than any other child.

When he finished high school and was accepted at NYU, Bucky gladly moved to New York, leaving the small village and his family behind. He visited them every time he could and missed them a lot, but his place was here in New York.

And when Bucky met Brock, an older handsome man who was officially outed, he had lived his dream. It was a short period full of freedom and happiness, but as always, things went downhill very quickly.

Brock didn’t turn out to be Bucky’s knight in shining armor, saving him from a lonely life. He turned out to be an utter asshole instead. Two months after they moved in together, Brock had told Bucky one man wasn't enough for him. _It was Bucky’s fault_ , he had said. _Bucky just didn’t want enough sex and he needed to blow off some steam._ The most embarrassing part was that Bucky had believed him first.

He had tried to make it up to Brock, forcing himself to have sex even though he hadn’t felt like it, trying to change when Brock told him to. Brock had taken advantage of his sexual preferences in bed, using his submissive nature to get what he wanted, regardless of whether Bucky gave it voluntarily or not. Bucky became quieter, stayed at home more often, waiting for Brock to return every night. He had subconsciously known Brock was cheating when his boyfriend stayed out until midnight, even during the week, but he had refused to accept the truth. He had blamed himself, thinking he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t beautiful enough to keep an amazing man like Brock.

Everything had collapsed when Bucky had found Brock with another man in their shared bed one afternoon. Sadly, he didn’t even come home earlier than usual, Brock hadn’t even tried to hide his affaire. Bucky had cried, but Brock had only laughed, telling him men weren’t made to be monogamous.

Bucky had moved out the same day, crashing on Sam’s couch for a couple of days until he had found his own place. He had lied, told Sam things between Brock and him hadn’t worked out. Although he trusted his best friend, Bucky had been so embarrassed, so disgusted with himself that he couldn’t tell the truth. Why hadn’t he left earlier? Why had he been so weak, suffering every day, unable to pull himself together and end the relationship?

Nevertheless, Bucky had learned from the situation. He would never ever allow anyone else to treat him like Brock had. He would no longer be blinded by a handsome face and he would no longer trust as quickly as he had before. People can be awful, and he had learned it the hard way. And if it means hiding behind a snarky mask and scaring away potentially good people? That’s just the way life works.

“-ucky? Bucky? You alright, pal?” Sam interrupted his thoughts, watching him with a concerned look on his face.

“Peachy.” Bucky replied dryly. He didn’t want to talk about his relationship with Brock. He was getting better, leaving behind a piece of the shame every day, but he wasn’t ready to date yet. “What did you plan for your day with Riley?” He changed the topic, hoping Sam would let it go.

Bucky could see that his best friend didn’t want to end the discussion, but thankfully, he didn’t pry. “I already told you he asked me out on a coffee date, but I have nothing else planned. He said he wanted to surprise me.”

Bucky made a loud gagging noise, although he was secretly pleased Riley seemed to be a gentleman. Sam deserved to be treated like he hung the moon and Bucky would make sure Riley would treat him the best. Even though he always tried to appear tough, Bucky couldn’t supress a gentle smile and he squeezed Sam’s hands which were still holding his.

“I’m happy for you, you know?” He felt a sudden urge to show Sam that he was important to him. “Riley can be good for you.” He pulled back his hands, taking another sip from his coffee and hiding his little emotionally outburst behind the mug.

Sam laughed. “Wow, James Bucky Barnes tells me he is happy for me? Sure I’m not already dead?” He was relaxed, a bright smile on his face and Bucky knew the words weren’t serious, just teasing.

“Oh, shut up.” He fought against a blush, knowing he had failed when Sam chuckled deeply. “Blame it on the lack of sleep.” Bucky lied. “And enjoy it while it lasts.” Sam, the utter asshole, took out his phone and snapped a picture of Bucky blushing.

“I will.” Sam promised, grinning at him evilly. “Wait till I see your sister. I have the perfect blackmail material now.”

“You little shit.” Bucky shouted, jumping out of his chair and lunging himself at Sam across the table. He tried to snatch away Sam’s phone to delete the picture. The old couple looked at him as if he was jumping in a trash can. Bucky didn’t mind and blew a raspberry at them like a small child. If they were only here to frown on other people, he might damn well give them the opportunity with his behavior. Unfortunately, Sam had locked his phone while Bucky was busy pissing off other people and Bucky’s chance to delete the picture passed, because he didn’t know Sam’s pin.

“I’m going to kill you in your sleep.” He threatened, sitting back down, and starring at Sam as if he was the devil.

Sam only laughed, already used to Bucky’s behavior. “You can try, but who are you gonna have coffee with afterwards?”

Bucky grumbled, pissed off that he had lost the argument. In an hour, his sister Becca will have the picture anyway and he already knew it would end up in her teasing him. Had he really said before that he was happy for his best friend? He took it back.

“Will you forgive me, Buck?” Sam asked, puppy look on his face. It was a good try, but Bucky wasn’t convinced easily.

“Delete the picture.” He snarled, arms crossed over chest and his gaze still cold.

“Not happening.” Sam chippered and threw a provoking laugh at Bucky’s face. “But I, the best possible friend of the whole wild world, have a surprise for you, Bucky-bear, that will make up for everything. Remember the good news?”

Bucky only grunted, still pouting and punishing Sam with silence.

“Do you know SG Rogers?” Sam sing-songed.

Bucky looked at him confused. “The author?” Of course, Bucky knew the author SG Rogers. He was his biggest fan since he was fifteen, and Sam knew it. Sometimes, Bucky would talk about him nonstop, telling Sam how talented he was and how inspiring. Damn, he was definitely idolizing him, and Rogers was one of the reasons he had decided to take English literature as a major.

“Yes, the author.”

Bucky was even more confused. He loved SG Rogers and Sam knew it damn well. Why did he even ask? “You know I know him. He’s been my idol since high school.”

“You know my roommate Nat?” Ok, Bucky was sick of this shit. Did Sam ever stop asking useless questions? Taking picture of Bucky was bad enough, now he wanted to kill him with a Q&A? Of course, he knew Nat, Sam had introduced them personally, and as long as he was not suffering from temporary memory loss, the question was fucking ridiculous. Sam seemed to notice that Bucky was on edge, because he continued talking without waiting for a response. “So Nat, she started dating this super-hot guy, Clint.”

Buggy shrugged. He was glad, Nat had found someone who could keep up with her intense personality, most people were simply intimidated by her forthright nature, but what did that have to do with Rogers? Sam was a real pain in the ass today, torturing Bucky with useless questions and giving him the runaround.

Finally, Sam got to the point. “Well, Clint is SG Rogers’ best friend.”

Bucky gaped and his mouth fell open. He knew he was making a weird face, so unlike him, and he confessed it wasn’t his golden hour, but one thought about SG Rogers made him forget his dignity. SG Rogers, _the SG Rogers_ , is a friend of Clint and therefor Nat too? Omg, he was so jealous of Nat. He would die for a meeting with his idol, dreaming of the author for years.

“It’s getting even better.” Sam promised, grinning thanks to Bucky losing his composure. “I might have talked to Nat, and Nat have talked to Clint, and Clint have talked to Rogers in turn, and… he is willing to meet with you for an interview.”

Bucky starred at him with wide-eyed, speechless and overwhelmed. He couldn’t believe it. He, Bucky Barnes, simple college student from NYU, can meet SG Rogers, author, national icon and Bucky’s walking dream? Don’t get him wrong, not wet dream, more of an innocent dream. Okay, when Bucky started to think about the tons upon tons of muscles in Rogers social media pictures, it might have been a wet dream, too, but his feelings were mainly admiration. He beamed at Sam as if his best friend has declared world peace.

“Have I ever told you that you’re the best friend in the whole fucking universe?” Bucky couldn’t remember ever being so excited.

“Didn’t you just tell me seconds ago that you want to murder me in my sleep?” Sam teased, leaning back in his chair, but Bucky couldn’t be mad. Instead he jumped out of his chair and hugged Sam as if his life depended on it. Moments ago, he had joked to exchange his best friend, but now he was more than grateful for him.

“You’re still working for the college newspaper, right?” Sam reassured himself and Bucky nodded. “Good, 'cause I told them you wanted to interview him and write an article about his life.”

“Actually, that’s a good idea.” Bucky said, already thinking about the questions he wanted to ask. Although Sam had probably mentioned the interview as an excuse, Bucky was more than excited to ask the author a couple of questions and to write an article afterwards.

There was so much about Rogers he was interested in (professionally speaking of course). He wanted to know what inspired him, where he got his ideas from, he craved to know what a life as an author was like. His head was full of possible questions and he itched to pull out the notebook he was carrying in his bag to write down everything he wanted to ask. But he held back. He was here with Sam now and hadn’t slept in the last twenty-four hours, thinking about the interview could wait until tomorrow.

“You know, you look like shit, don’t you?” Sam asked. He wasn’t teasing anymore, and Bucky could hear a little bit of concern. Actually, he started to feel like shit, too, and it was probably a good idea to cut the meeting short and jump into bed.

“Flattering. You know exactly what a guy wants to hear.” Bucky sighed and took the last sip of his coffee, struggling to keep his eyes open. “M’ just tired. Finals are shit.” The adrenaline caused by the good news was slowly starting to fade and Bucky felt the fatigue more than before. His bed sounded like a really good idea.

“You know, let’s go.” Sam decided, throwing a couple of bills on the table to pay for their drinks. “I’m taking you home or you’ll end up sleeping on the street.”

Bucky made an approving noise, leaning against Sam’s shoulder as they left the coffee shop. He didn’t even protest that Sam had paid for his coffee which was a sign of how tired he truly was. He didn’t really remember how he got home, the only thing on his mind was the comfortable pillow he was laying on, before he closed his eyes, giving in to sleep. That night he dreamed about meeting SG Rogers.


	2. Chapter 2

To say Bucky was excited would be an understatement. His whole week had been a blur of nervousness, happiness and fear. He was acting so giddy that all his friends had asked him if something was wrong. Usually, Bucky was the personification of calmness and composure, hiding his emotions behind a mask of sass, but in the last couple of days he had been acting more like a child. And he felt like a child, too.

He remembered the first Christmas after his father’s death. The whole year had been full of sorrow, of goodbyes from people and the city they had lived in. His mother, his sister and he had been fought for a long time, struggling with their day-to-day life. It had been hard to get up in the morning without his father sitting at the dining table and it had been a torture to come home to an empty house, his mother still working to pay the bills. But they had managed how they had always managed everything, together.

They had moved to the country in August, leaving all their friends behind. Bucky had never liked it out of New York City, but he knew now that the quietness had been necessary for them to heal and slowly, they had gained back control over their lives. He had missed his father on Christmas, of course he had, but it was the first day he had understood that they were going to be fine. He had been excited after all those months of mourning, craving his presents like the child he had been and now, on the brink of meeting his idol, he was feeling the same excitement he felt as a kid.

To cut it short, Bucky was a mess. On the day of the interview with SG Rogers, Bucky had woken up at 5 am after six hours of sleep, but he had been awake and full of energy. First thing in the morning, he had dragged himself into the kitchen, turning on his one true love: the coffee machine. Even though he was a financially struggling college student, his coffee machine was high end and he had saved up months for it. Affording food was overrated anyway, coffee was his way to go.

After his first dose of caffeine, he decided to go on a short morning run, stopping at a bakery to buy himself fresh croissants. Usually, Bucky avoided leaving the house before 10 am., but today he felt restless and he feared going crazy if he stayed home any longer, waiting for the time to visit SG Rogers. It was horrible and he could swear no day had ever passed this slowly.

Late in the afternoon, Bucky grabbed his phone, the keys and an old notebook, before he left the apartment. He made his way to the nearest subway station, a piece of paper with Rogers address firmly in his left hand.

Rogers lived in an expensive neighborhood. Bucky was used to tall apartment complexes with hundreds of people, but the author was living near the central park, in a small street with few houses. Bucky couldn’t even imagine how expensive they must have been. He checked the address twice, making sure he was standing in front of the right house before he ringed the bell. His stomach was twisting from nervousness.

When the door opened, a vision of a man was smiling at him. Bucky had known that Rogers was a handsome man, he had stalked his social media for as long as he could remember, but the pictures didn’t do him justice.

His shoulders were broad, packed with tons upon tons of muscles and Bucky’s mouth was watering from the sight. Rogers was built like a Greek god, like a fantasy straight from Bucky’s wet dreams. In addition to his obscene body, he had beautiful blond hair and piercing blue eyes people would murder for. He was dressed in a too tight shirt, his abs on display under the thin fabric. But the worst thing was the self-confident, smug smile on his face, because unfortunately, Bucky had a weakness for over-confident men.

“Hi.” Bucky croaked, hoping Rogers hadn’t noticed the tumble in his voice, but the complacent smirk on the author’s face proved the opposite. Blue eyes swept over his body, taking in every inch of him and suddenly Bucky felt insecure due to the examination.

“Hi.” Rogers answered, his gaze fixed on Bucky’s thighs instead of his face.

“Ähm, I’m Bucky.” As flattering as the starring was, it made him a little uncomfortable.

Finally, Rogers raised his gaze and looked Bucky in the eyes. “I’m Steve Rogers, but just Steve is fine.” He introduced himself with his first name and Bucky swooned. He was meeting his celebrity crush for the first time and was already embarrassing himself. Great.

“Come in, _Bucky_.” Steve said, a seductive smile on his face and Bucky felt himself blushing. The author was still standing in the doorway, making no attempts to move and Bucky would have to press himself against the other man if he wanted to enter the house. He cleared his throat, waiting for Steve to make room, but the other man just stood there, clearly enjoying him struggling.

After an uncomfortable silence, Bucky swallowed and stepped closer, feeling Steve’s body heat through his clothes. Fuck, the other man was gorgeous. Not only did he look like his walking wet dream, he also acted like a self-confident man and Bucky was falling for him. His brain turned to mush, otherwise he would have fought the feeling so similar to the loss of control he had experienced with Brock first. He pressed his body against Steve’s for a second, feeling the bulk of muscles pressed against his side and Bucky felt a shiver of arousal running down his spine.

He quickly entered the apartment, ignoring Steve’s hand that was pressed against his ass for a second. It was probably a coincident, he was probably imagining the sexual tension. He was here to interview the author, not to get dicked down by him. He had admired his work for years and now that he had the opportunity to talk to his idol, all he could think about was sex. Shit, he wasn’t here for that. Maybe he was just frustrated about the lack of sex after the break-up with Brock because there was no way author SG Rogers would try to seduce him when he visited for an interview.

Caught in his thoughts, Bucky didn’t notice that Steve had closed the door and was standing behind Bucky. “Can I get you something to drink?” Steve ask, his voice deep and raspy. Bucky couldn’t get a word out, feeling Steve’s breath on his neck, so he only nodded, hyper aware of the lack of distance between them.

“Let’s continue this afternoon in the living room.” Bucky felt a hand on his lower back, guiding him to the door at the far end of the floor. Most people would tense up under the unexpected touch, but Bucky felt grounded, his submissive nature surrendering to Steve and he let himself be guided without a second thought.

The living room was spacious and bright, furnished with light wooden cupboards and a comfy looking brown couch. In the middle of the room was a thick fluffy carpet that Bucky wanted to kneel on, convinced he wouldn’t hurt his knees, even if he had to stay there for hours. Large windows made sure that enough light was coming in and through them Bucky could see a big garden behind the house. He had expected modern clinical rooms and was surprised by the homely atmosphere.

“Welcome to my home.” Steve said, his hand still resting on Bucky’s back, too low to be considered appropriate. “Please, take a seat on the couch. I’ll grab us something to drink. Coffee is fine?”

Bucky nodded awestruck, overwhelmed by the whole situation. Not only was he in the house of his crush, by now he was also pretty sure Steve was flirting with him. The author made him feel wanted, but also uncomfortable. The whole situation reminded him of Brock. A handsome older payed attention to him and Bucky was losing himself in the feeling. It was addictive but dangerous, and he had to be careful. Although he idolized Steve, he was still sane enough to realize how vulnerable he was around dominant man, willing to surrender himself over to the other one. He was here for an interview, not to be seduced.

When Steve left to fetch their coffees, Bucky sat down on the couch, opening the notebook he took along. He had to focus on the questions he prepared, not on the other’s ridiculous tight shirt or the piercing blue eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t ask you how you like your coffee.” Steve came back, carrying a small tray with two cups of coffee, a can of milk and sugar. He sat down on the couch across from Bucky and poured milk in one of the cups. “Sugar, milk?”

“Only milk, please.” Bucky replied, grabbing the mug Steve was offering him and taking a sip. He was glad to be able to occupy himself with the drink, still uncomfortable under the attention.

Steve leaned back on the couch, crossing his legs, and starring intensely in Bucky’s eyes. Bucky shifted under the gaze, his hands trembling around the mug and he could see a satisfied smirk on Steve’s face.

“Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes, Bucky?” Steve asked, the tension between the two of them increasing.

Bucky blushed, his face getting hot and he lowered his gaze. He hadn’t expected such direct words, convinced flirting was only a game for the author. “T-Thanks.” He spluttered, while his focus was on the coffee in his hands. He knew that if he didn't change the subject quickly, he would throw himself at Steve.

“Bucky, please don’t be afraid, I won’t bite. You can look me in the eyes.” Steve said, his firm voice contrasted with the gentle words. Bucky felt a surge of arousal float through his body and he couldn’t disobey the insistent words. He carefully raised his head until his gaze was on the author once again.

Steve had shifted, his legs uncrossed and slightly spread so that Bucky could clearly see the thick muscular thighs. Immediately, his mind supplied him with an image of himself bouncing on this gorgeous lap, his hands digging into the thighs, helping him balance his weight. Steve leaned forward, his elbows rested on his knees and he looked like he wanted to eat Bucky alive.

Bucky panicked. “Ähm, so Steve.” He stumbled across the name, intimidated by the situation. Usually, Bucky was full of sass, but he had lost his carefully built composure a second after he had met his idol. Being allowed to call the author by his first name was intimidating for him and he forced himself to return to the subject. “I'd like to ask you a few questions if you don't mind. Are you okay if I write your answers down?”

Steve, who had been calm and steady the whole time, looked at him confused, and for a second, Bucky was afraid he would be thrown out. Maybe the author had changed his mind about the interview? But Steve recovered from the irritation and shrugged.

“Fine.” He answered, the smile back on his face. “Shoot.”

Bucky cleared his throat, still confused about the overt flirting. His mind was everywhere except on the questions he wanted to ask, but he tried his best to pull himself together. He was more than interested in Steve’s life and he had to keep things professional if he wanted to write a good article. Stripping and throwing himself at the author’s feet would get him nowhere, no matter how much he wanted to.

“So, when did you start writing?” Bucky asked, the tip of his pen already on his notebook, eager to write everything down the author would tell him.

“Well.” Steve started, looking at him puzzled and Bucky wondered why the question seemed so weird to Steve. Certainly, reporters asked him that kind of questions every day. “I’ve been written stories my whole life, but only for fun first. Do you know fanfictions?”

Bucky choked and started to cough, blushing under Steve’s amused gaze. Yes, he knew about fanfictions. He had discovered this world in his freshman year of college, and it had changed his life. Not only did it encouraged him to share his works, fanfictions had also introduced him to a new world of sex. He had always known that he liked it a bit rough, enjoying every second when a partner had slapped his ass hard, but he hadn’t known before what was possible. Fanfictions stimulated his fantasies and although he didn’t like everything he loved to read about, a large part of it was as exciting to him in fiction as it was in practice.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the wicked part when Steve mentioned fanfictions and according to the author’s pleased grin, Steve knew damn well with part he was thinking about.

“Oh Buck.” Steve cooed, leaning forward even more to look Bucky straight into the eyes. The author could read him like an open book. “While I definitely enjoy the things you’re thinking about, fanfictions aren’t just about sex. I’m talking more about the courage it gave me to share my works. But it’s a lovely picture thinking about you reading porn while you pleasure yourself.”

Bucky would have blushed even more if that was possible. He felt a mixture of arousal and sweet shame over Steve’s forthright words. Thankfully, Steve continued to answer the question. “Mainly, the platform gave me an opportunity to try out different genres until I decided to settle with what felt best.”

Bucky, still at a loss for words, only nodded. He understood what Steve was talking about. Nevertheless, he tried to guide the conversation away from anything remotely sexual. “Do you have any tips for young writer?”

“That’s actually a good question, I’ve never really thought about it.” Steve pondered, his eyes leaving Bucky for the first time in this conversation. “I guess the most important tip is to keep writing.”

The author leaned back, taking a sip of his coffee and Bucky sensed that he wasn’t done talking. Therefore, he stayed quiet, waiting for Steve to find the right words.

“You’ll always struggle with writing somewhere along the line. There will always be scenes that are difficult to write or plot twists you’re not happy with. But when you’re in a flow, it’s important not to stop. I frequently write in brackets what’s going to happen, skipping the part and continue writing another chapter. You can always come back later, cause if you try too hard to find good word, you’ll get tired of the story very soon.”

Bucky was quiet first, thinking about Steve’s words. “I guess, you’re right.” He said pensively. “I always have a hard time writing when the words for a chapter won’t come.”

Steve shifted in his seat, looking at him astonished. “You write, too?”

Bucky was taken aback. Didn’t Clit tell him that he was studying English Literature and that he was taking courses in creative writing? It was very likely that he wrote stories himself. Why was Steve so puzzled? “Yes, I even take college courses in writing.”

The surprise on the author’s face didn’t vanish. “You’re studying?”

Okay, apparently Clint hadn’t mentioned it. Did Steve even know that Bucky was gonna publish his answers in the student newspaper? “Yes, weren’t you told?”

“Maybe I forgot.” Steve shrugged, but Bucky could see how uncomfortable the author was Whatever Bucky had expected from their first encounter, he could never have imagined the mixture of flirting and awkwardness.

“Can I ask you a question about your latest book?” No longer sure if the author wanted to continue the interview. Apparently, Clint hadn’t prepared Steve, maybe hadn’t even mention that he wanted to publish the answers.

“You’ve read it?” Steve asked stunned, disbelief written on his face and it was the first time Bucky was feeling a spark of anger. Of course, he had read it. How could he interview someone if he hadn’t even informed himself? His life-long crush on the author aside, Steve definitely didn’t need to know about that.

“Yes, I have.” Bucky shifted uncomfortable on the couch, his eyes glued to the notebook in his lap. The whole situation was just weird.

“Bucky, would you please look at me?” Steve asked after a moment of silence. Although he phrased it as a question, Steve’s voice was determined and firm so that would physically hurt Bucky to disobey.

Bucky slowly raised his head to look at Steve and he was greeted with a bright smile on the author’s face. “Bucky, I didn’t intend to insult you. I’m glad you’ve read my book, I just didn’t expect it.”

Bucky nodded and called it a day, clearly uncomfortable in the situation.

“As flattering as the questions about my persona are, I guess, it’s time to take a break from the interrogation.” Steve suggested and placed his empty mug on the coffee table. Bucky, who had finished his coffee minutes ago, had only hold onto it to conceal his trembling hands. He followed suit and the author took the two cups, bringing them into the kitchen. He had wanted to ask a million more questions, but the author didn’t seem to be very happy about the interview.

When Steve came back, his posture had changed. Although he had radiated confidence before, his steps were dominant now, filling the room with his presence like a predator. A tingling feeling spread through Bucky’s body and he watched each and every one of Steve's steps like a prey, ready to flee. But he knew he wouldn’t flee even if he wanted to, captured by the mere presence of the other man. He loved the feeling of helplessness, even when his mind was screaming at him to run away.

Steve sat down on the couch again, his legs spread, and his gaze fixed on Bucky. “Come here, Buck.” He ordered, gesturing to Bucky to sit on his lap.

Although it was probably a bad idea, Bucky got up and walked over to the other man. He wasn’t even thinking about it, his body moved by an invisible force. He seated himself on Steve’s thighs, his legs on either side of the author’s body, already feeling a bulge pressing against his ass and he shifted until he was comfortable.

“I want to kiss you.” Steve declared, giving him time to withdraw if he wanted to. “If you say red, I will stop, no matter what. Do you understand?”

Bucky nodded, his mind already foggy and he enjoyed Steve’s deep voice washing over him. He didn’t move, only parted his lips slightly, waiting what the other man was willing to give him.

“You’re so sweet.” Steve cooed and lifted his right hand. He pressed his thump against Bucky’s lower lip, without slipping between. Bucky kept still, fighting the urge to suck the digit in his mouth. He didn’t have the permission, so he would resist like he was meant to.

“Such a good boy, so obedient.” A shiver of arousal tingled down Bucky’s spine and a warm feeling spread in his chest. He was a sucker for praise and being complimented by such a beautiful and confident man left him with a weak feeling in his knees. He loved it. “You have the most beautiful lips I’ve ever seen, pink and plush, made to be stretched around a cock.” Bucky couldn’t suppress a whimper, he wanted something in his mouth so badly.

Steve showed mercy and leaned closer, pressing his lips against Bucky’s. A surge of arousal ran through Bucky, making his body sing with pleasure. It had been such a long time since anyone had touched him like this. Of course, he had dated a couple of other college boys after the disaster with Brock, but no one had been this demanding, no one had been able to give him what his body was screaming for.

Steve kissed like a starving man. His lips were rough, moving against Bucky’s and forcing him to bear the aggression. He was plundering Bucky’s mouth, his tongue taking him apart with a few strokes. Bucky was moaning, too far gone to be ashamed by his behavior, and it took his whole willpower not to move against the other man’s body. It wasn’t supposed to be about his pleasure, it was about what Steve wanted to do to him.

“Look at you, so beautiful. You’re mine for the night, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

Bucky couldn’t talk anymore. He made an affirmative noise, his mind focused on the tongue in his mouth.

“The things I wanna do to you.” Steve’s voice was rough and Bucky loved the filthy words spilling from the other man’s mouth. “I want to kiss your lips until there are swollen, shiny with your spit, bend you over my lap, spank that plump little bottom until you’re crying and screaming my name and then I want to split you open on my cock. How does that sound.”

Bucky moaned, waves and waves of arousal were crashing over his body and was afraid he could come from Steve’s words alone. Suddenly, all the clothes between them were too much, he silently begged the other man to strip him, but he wouldn’t voice his wish. He was a good boy. He would wait as long as Steve wanted him to.

“Can you kneel for me, sweet boy?” Steve asked and pressed his lips against Bucky’s forehead. “You would look so good on your knees in front of me.”

Bucky scrambled of his lap, eager to fulfill the command. At that moment, he would do almost anything to please Steve. When he was so deep, he would die to please his Master.

“You look beautiful on your knees for me, Bucky.” Steve praised. “Worth all the money.”

Bucky preened. He was beautiful, he was worthy, he was worth the… Wait, what the fuck? He was worth the money?

The words were like a bucket of ice-cold water poured over his head. Immediately, the fog in his mind vanished, leaving only shame about his behavior. Fuck, after Brock he had promised himself not to fall so deep too soon, he had been so sure no handsome face would ever lure him in again. And now he knelt here, on the floor of his favorite author’s living room, surrendering himself to a man he didn’t even know. Bucky was horrified.

Brock had always called him a slut, accusing him of doing everything to suck cock and Bucky had hated it. Kneeling on a stranger’s carpet, the same feelings were coming back.

“Red.” Bucky said, his voice not even wavering. Steve had probably already seen the disgust on his face, but he needed to make sure. If Bucky had learned anything from Brock, other than not to trust easily, it was that it's better to play it safe than sorry.

He stood up, reaching for his stuff which was still on the couch. He didn’t look Steve in the eyes, unable to bear the disappointment he would probably see. Luckily, they hadn’t done more than a little kissing, his ego would get over it.

“Bucky, what did I do?” Steve asked, his voice filled with concern. “Did I say anything wrong?”

Bucky snorted and put his cellphone back in his pocket. He didn’t want to deal with the author right now.

“Bucky, please talk to me.” Steve begged. “Did I do something wrong? Peggy said you talked about your limits before, did you?”

“Who the fuck is Peggy?” Bucky asked, anger filling his voice. He lifted his gaze for the first time, ready for an argument if necessary.

Steve looked awful, confusion and guilt on his face. His hair was disheveled and his lips swollen. He reached out for Bucky, but changed his mind halfway, his arms uselessly frozen in mid-air. Bucky’s anger was getting stronger. How dare Steve looked that pitiful? He just wanted to go home.

“Peggy?” Steve answered sheepishly. “The woman who booked you? Who talked about the payment with you?”

Okay, now Bucky finally had enough. He turned around, leaving Steve in the middle of his living room. “What payment?” He asked rhetorically, not even waiting for an answer. Before he finally left, he could see Steve’s eyes growing large, the author slowly started to understand, and an expression of horror was spreading on his face.

“What’s your name?” Steve croaked when Bucky was already walking out of the door. Was the author kidding him? He didn’t even know his name?

“James Barnes.” He answered coldly, speeding up his steps. He was relieved when he reached the door, nothing stronger than the urge to run away.

The last words he heard before the door closed behind him, were “Oh fuck.” Bucky literally ran to the subway station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thanks for reading <3 Feel free to leave Kudos and comments, I would be very happy. 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr , feel free to DM me. 
> 
> This chapter was killing me. For the sake of the plot I had to write a chapter with a lack of communication, although it usually drives me crazy when people don’t talk. 
> 
> The next chapter will probably take a little longer than a week due to my term paper, but after that I haven’t got much to do and can concentrate on writing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the next chapter. Thanks for all the comments and kudos last week <3 It made me write the chapter faster than I originally planned. 
> 
> Warnings: Bucky is talking about his past in the chapter. If you want to skip the chapter, DM me on Tumblr and I send you a short summary.
> 
> Enjoy <3

After the disaster with Steve, or rather Rogers, as Bucky called him again, he was in a bad mood. During the subway ride back home, his emotions were shifting between anger and disgust, until he was no longer sure if he hated Rogers or himself more. He must have made such a gloomy face that two children left their seats next to him and walked to the other end of the train. He couldn’t care less.

As the anger slowly started to vanish, Bucky had to fight the tears. He felt miserable and lonely, even a little broken. Rationally, he knew it was Brock’s and maybe a little Roger’s fault he couldn’t shake off the helplessness, but his mind kept telling him over and over again that it was himself he had to blame. One encounter with a handsome asshole who took all of Bucky’s control from him and he was back where he was right after the break-up, all his progress shattered.

Bucky swallowed. He had to keep it together, didn’t want to start crying in public, surrounded by hundreds of people who would stare at him. The desire to be alone in his bed was overwhelming and he counted the subway stops that were left. He would make it home, he wouldn’t break down in public.

On the doorstep of his apartment, he pulled out his keys, his hands trembling. After he had entered his home, he finally allowed himself to be weak. He sank to the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees which he had pulled tight to his chest. Although he had fought the tears the whole ride back home, they weren’t coming now and he sobbed dryly, his shoulders shaking under his feelings.

“Slut.” A voice in his head kept repeating. “Useless slut.” He shook his head, knowing it wasn’t the truth. He was an adult, god damn it. He was supposed to be mature and strong, but one asshole was enough to break him. He couldn’t go on like this. Determination he hadn’t felt before, rose in his chest.

Blindly, Bucky fumbled for his phone. He made a decision that he might regret later, but he knew he wasn’t gonna make it alone. A second later, his phone was ringing, and he desperately waited for Sam to pick up.

“Bucky?” Sam asked confused. “Don’t you have the interview with Rogers?”

Bucky swallowed, trying to shut out the memory of the afternoon. “Can I come over?” He asked weakly, his voice wavering.

Immediately, Sam knew it was serious. “Of course, but Nat will be home in an hour. That’s fine?”

“Sure.” Bucky replied. “I’ll be over in twenty.” Then he hung up without waiting for an answer.

Bucky left the house right after he finished the call, afraid he would change his mind if he had too much time to think about it. The last couple of months, he hadn’t been able to tell Sam the truth, but he had decided he was done with the lies. If he didn’t talk about it now, he would never speak up.

Fortunately, Sam lived nearby and Bucky didn’t have to take the subway. Walking distracted him from his thoughts, and it was better than sitting on a crowded train, waiting to get out of it. On top of that, he didn’t want to frighten other passengers with his dumpish looks. When Sam’s apartment was in sight, Bucky sighed in relief. Doubts about his decision began to rise and he was afraid he would back off.

He was standing on the doorstep of the apartment building, hesitating whether he wanted to ring the bell, but fortunately, Sam took away the decision. He opened the door with a serious face and had probably been waiting at the window for Bucky to arrive. Gently, he grabbed Bucky’s forearm and guided him to his apartment. Bucky was thankful Sam didn’t already start questioning him in the hallway.

As the apartment door closed behind them, Sam led Bucky to the couch and draped a blanket over him. Since the break-up with Brock, Sam had learned that Bucky needed to feel cozy when he was sad. “You want coffee or tea?”

Bucky cleared his throat. “Tea, please.” He replied, his voice still rough. He didn’t want to know how devastated he must look right now, cowering under the blanket like a scared child. Honestly, he was feeling like a small child, too.

Sam came back with their tea a few minutes later, the bag still in the cup and Bucky reached for it thankfully. He didn’t really want to drink it, usually preferring coffee, but he needed something to hold on to when he wanted to tell Sam the truth. And Bucky definitely had enough coffee for the day. He didn’t feel ready for the conversation, never would probably. However, maybe he would feel better afterwards.

The atmosphere in the living room was tense and uncomfortable, Bucky didn’t know where to start and how to find the right words. Sam didn’t want to pressure him while Bucky was busy playing with the tea bag in his cup.

Finally, Sam spoke up. “You wanna talk about it?”

Bucky shrugged, his gaze still fixed on the tea. He didn’t want to talk, but he needed to. He had kept silence for moths now and it had gotten him nowhere. “Think so. Just don’t know where to start.”

Sam leaned back in the armchair where he was sitting. He tried to appear calm, but Bucky could see how tightly he was holding his own cup. Sam was as nervous as Bucky, but he waited until his best friend was ready to talk.

“I didn’t crash on your couch because things didn’t work out between Brock and me.” He said dryly as if he was talking about the weather. Feelings raged inside of him, but he fought to keep them away from the surface. If he would break down now, he would never talk about it again.

Sam closed his eyes for a moment, his brow frowned. Bucky could see him taking a deep breath, bracing himself for the story he was about to hear.

“I’ve already suspected there was more behind it. You wanna tell me?” Sam asked, carefully hiding his tension.

Bucky kept silent. No, he didn’t want, but he was going to anyway. Finding the words was hard, saying them out loud even more. In the end, he decided to keep it short.

“He cheated on me.”

Sam looked at him appalled. “Bucky, I’m so sorry for you. He is an asshole.”

Bucky hesitated for a second. He didn’t have to tell Sam more about his feelings. He could just leave it at that, already opening up more than he ever had before. But one look at his trembling hands, one thought about how miserable he’d been feeling for months, and he decided to tell Sam not only everything that had happened, but also how it made him feel. He had never been the type to share his emotions, so it was difficult for him to speak up.

“Well, that wasn’t the worst of it.” Bucky said bitterly, shifting uncomfortable on the couch.

Fortunately, Sam didn’t pry, didn’t force him to speak. Instead, his best friend was looking at him, waiting until he was ready.

“He told me that one man wasn't enough before.” Bucky confessed after minutes of silence, shame bubbling in his chest. “He practically told me he would cheat before he actually did it. I should have left right away, but I didn’t. I tried to prove him wrong, tried to prove to him I would be enough. Well, obviously I wasn’t.”

Bucky dropped his head in his right hand, his left tightly clinging to the cup of tea. He took a sip, trying to distract himself from Sam’s reaction, doing everything but looking Sam in the eyes. He couldn’t stand either pity nor disgust.

When he finally raised his head, of course the reaction was pity. “Oh, Bucky, I’m so sorry. You can’t blame yourself for being too gullible.” Bucky tensed, but he couldn’t blame his best friend for feeling sorry for him.

“In the end, the problem wasn’t me being too naïve, but the things I let him do to me.” Bucky said too quiet, not even sure if Sam understood.

“What things?” Sam asked carefully.

Bucky wondered how he could put it. He’d never talked about it before and he knew a lot of people were prejudiced, but Sam was an open-minded man.

“Do you know anything about BDSM?”

Sam shrugged. “Nothing but what the front page of my favorite porn website shows me sometimes. I don’t think I’d like it, so I didn’t think about it much.” Bucky was relieved, at least Sam wasn’t outright disgusted.

“Well, I’m kinda into that stuff.” Bucky said carefully, afraid to be judged. “Not pain, but submission. I love giving control over to someone else, it makes me feel free.”

He bit his lips nervously. Rationally, he knew Sam would accept it, but there was still fear left. Fear not to be accepted like it had been all his life. He was used to being mocked because he was gay, he didn’t want to add submissive freak to the list.

“Did…, did Brock take advantage of you?” Sam asked, eyes widening in horror. “Did he hurt you?”

Bucky laughed coldly, his posture changing until he was cowering defensively on the couch. He placed the empty cup on the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees, trying to shield himself from the memories.

“Technically, he didn’t do anything I didn’t want. At least physically. We have agreed on a safe word and I didn’t use it. I probably should have.”

“What happened?” Sam asked hoarsely.

Bucky took a deep breath, clearing his mind and trying to find words. He felt weak and not the good kind that came hand-in-hand with a feeling of freedom, but the bad one that left a shadow of helplessness.

“You know, there are certain things I didn’t like but Brock did.” Bucky tried to explain. “I like humiliation, but I need to be reminded every second that I’m good. Just imagine, I like being called a slut in bed, but only his good slut. It’s arousing to be called out desperate or easy, I just need to feel I’m special, too. Does it make sense?”

Sam nodded and Bucky went on.

“And if I’m not good, I need to make up for my mistakes, be punished, so that I can leave the bad conscience behind. It breaks me when a Dom is still angry with me after a scene.”

Bucky stopped, a single tear was running down his cheek. The memories were overwhelming, leaving him with a feeling as if it had happened yesterday. Usually, he was good at pushing them aside, but talking about them made him vulnerable.

“I-I wanted to be perfect for him so that he wouldn’t leave me.” Bucky started sobbing in earnest. “I-I tried to do it, I was quiet, I d-didn’t complain, but he left each and every time after the s-sex. Left me alone on the bed. He knew I hated it, I told him when we first met, but it gave him a kick. Me bearing the loneliness for him was a powerplay. It gave him a sick kick to push my boundaries, even though he knew I hated it. He called me a useless slut over and over again and when I told him I didn’t like it, he laughed and said it was a part of the submission, that I shouldn’t make a fuss.”

The cold feeling was spreading in Bucky’s chest, threatening to take him under and he started to shake. His fingers were clawed into the blanket and he was fighting against the emotions.

“Buck, that’s horrible.” Sam was shocked and Bucky could see that he didn’t know what to say.

“I told myself it was okay, that I could handle the rejection on my own, but I couldn’t. I guess I dropped a few times, overwhelmed by the emotions. And you know what the most horrible part is?” Bucky didn’t wait for an answer. “I didn’t get that he was only using me, that he didn’t really care about me until he slept with another man in our bed. The problem isn’t that he cheated on me, it's that I didn't leave after he showed me every god damn time after a scene that he didn’t care about me.”

Bucky was sobbing more violently, his whole body was shaking and burning shame was growing in his guts. His stomach was turning, and he felt sick. Afraid that he would start to vomit, Bucky pressed the palm of his hands against his stomach, hoping the pressure would help. It didn’t. He was drowning in panic.

“Hey Buck, shh. I’m right here. It’s over. It wasn’t your fault.”

Bucky didn’t realize that Sam had stood up and joined him on the couch. He had wrapped his arms around Bucky’s shaking form, soothing him and holding him against his chest.

“Shh, you’re a good boy, Buck. You did everything right. Don’t blame yourself.” Sam’s voice was calm and if Bucky didn’t know any better, he would have thought his best friend was trained for situations like this. He was acting exactly as Bucky needed him to and he was more than glad to call Sam his best friend. Slowly Bucky calmed down, his sobs became quieter and his breathing started to relax.

“You wanna tell me what happened today? What got you so worked up?” Sam asked after a minute of silence.

Strange to say, Bucky really wanted to. He had forced himself to talk about his feelings before, but thanks to Sam’s reaction he wanted to talk more about today. He had carried his guilt around with him for far too long and although his best friend couldn’t make it go away, talking about it helped. Maybe he really just needed someone who could reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, that Brock had taken advantage of him. Maybe he just wanted to hear that Rogers is an asshole.

“Today when I went to see Rogers, he was clearly flirting with me.” Bucky started to explain from the beginning.

“But you were there for an interview.” Sam said with a puzzled look on his face.

Bucky shrugged. “Yes, that’s why it was so strange. He let me in, and I was already overwhelmed. He was so confident, so self-assured that I felt this disgusting urge to give myself to him.”

Before he could say more about his self-hatred, Sam was already assuring him that it wasn’t his fault. Bucky smiled softly, touched by his friend’s behavior, but he was calm now. The crying had helped, only leaving a feeling of emptiness and and he could talk about the day as if he hadn’t experienced it but had watched it from a distance.

“He made me press myself against him to enter his apartment.”

Sam grimaced in disgust.

“It gets actually weirder.” Bucky thought loudly, confused himself. “When I started asking him questions, he was confused, even though my questions were totally standard. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he didn't know I wanted to interview him.”

“Maybe he had forgotten about you.” Sam assumed.

Bucky was shifting on the couch, pondering about Rogers’ behavior. “No, I don’t think so. He was expecting me when he opened the door. I mean, would you let just anyone in if you were famous? Doesn’t matter how bad you want someone, he wasn’t even confused when I rang the bell.”

“You’re probably right.” Sam agreed. “But that doesn’t explain his weird behavior.”

“I know.” Bucky started to feel uncomfortable. “Suddenly, he decided he didn’t want to answer any more questions, went to the kitchen and when he came back, he had changed. He was all dominant, kissing me, ordering me to sit on his lap and kneel in front of him, and I obeyed.”

Bucky groaned and slapped his hand against his forehead. The weak and hurt feeling had changed, replaced by anger and disbelief. “I just wonder why I did that, you know? Rogers isn’t Brock, he didn’t leave me alone when I needed him, but it felt the same, nevertheless. And then he told me I was worth the money.”

“He said what?” Sam asked appalled, his voice suddenly getting cold.

“He said I was worth the money. I mean, what the fuck? Is that a kink I didn’t know about? You know, I only blame him a little bit. Of course, it wasn’t anything he should have said, especially because we didn’t talk about our boundaries before, but he couldn’t really know that it was my limit. I safe worded and he let me go immediately When I think about it, he even looked guilty.”

Sam raised his eyebrows as if he thought it wasn't enough to apologize.

“I left immediately.” Bucky said, pride filling his voice. “After Brock I thought I would never be fooled by a handsome face ever again. Well, I did, but at least I pulled myself out.”

Bucky’s emotions have settled after he told Sam everything and he stopped focusing on how weak he had been. Yes, maybe he could have reacted better, but at least he had protected himself afterwards, leaving when it became too much. That was definitely progress.

“Still an asshole.” Sam muttered, rage in his eyes. “Maybe not as big as Brock, but still. He can’t get away with everything just because he’s famous.”

Bucky laughed, he loved his best friend for standing by his side. Hearing him talk about the author like this cheered him up. He was relieved that he had told Sam everything, it was probably the first step to truly move on. Eventually, he understood the advice never meet your hero, because the only thing he had lost today was the idolization of Rogers.

Suddenly, the door opened and Bucky could hear footsteps in the hallway. A familiar red head entered the living room and her gaze stopped at the two cuddling friends on the couch.

“Did I miss something?” Nat asked, watching their closeness carefully. “Didn’t you date Riley?”

“Oh no, it’s not like that.” Bucky said horrified, bringing space between them. He didn’t want to spread rumors, especially since Riley had finally asked Sam out.

Nat came close, sitting on the couch beside them and Bucky could see her expression changing as she took a closer look at his face. He was probably looking miserable with red eyes and tear strains all over his face.

“What happened?” She asked shortly, worry filling her voice. Although they had only known each other for a year, Bucky was certain she was considering him as a friend and Nat was very loyal and protective of her friends.

“Bad ex-boyfriend experiences.” Bucky shrugged. “First time talking about it.” Although his voice was casual, it was still difficult for him to open up.

Nat’s face darkened. “You wanna tell me?”

Surprisingly, Bucky wanted to. Trusting Sam had helped him to gain confidence, and he didn’t care anymore if Natasha would judge him for his lifestyle.

“My ex and I were into BDSM. Well, he left me alone after the sex every time, even though he knew I hated it. I didn’t use my safe word because I was afraid he would leave me, and it took him cheating on me until I left.” Bucky summarized dryly. “It was a few month ago, but today someone reminded me of him and I snapped.”

Natasha made a disbelieving sound, horror and hatred on her face. If Bucky had thought Sam had reacted strongly, it wouldn’t be comparable to Nat. She looked as if she wanted to kill someone.

“What’s his name?” She growled, her face twisted in disgust. Bucky was a little surprised by her intense reaction. “I wanna murder him. How can someone treat a sub like that? Submission is a gift and nobody has the right to use it against another person.”

Bucky looked at her puzzled. She talked about the topic like she knew a lot about it. “You’re familiar with BDSM?”

“Yes.” Nat watched him with piercing eyes. “I’m a Domme, actually.”

Bucky swallowed. For a second, he felt the urge to flinch, but he fought it. Nat had never been anything but kind to him and it wasn’t her fault that every other dominant person he had ever met turned out to be an asshole.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” Her voice was neutral, neither hurt nor reproachful and he was thankful for that.

“A little.” He said honestly. “I haven’t had good experiences. My ex was my first and well, then there was another asshole.”

“I’m very sorry for you, Buck.” She said sincerely. “Do you want to make good memories?”

Bucky almost choked and starred at her appalled. What was she implying? “With you?” His voice sounded unnaturally high. “You’re a beautiful woman and I’m sorry, but I’m gay.”

Nat roared with laughter, her whole body shaking. “God, Bucky. No. I’m in a committed relationship with Clint. I just wanted to ask you if you’d like to come to a little get together I’m organizing. It’s for folks like us.”

“A kink party?” Bucky asked skeptically. “I’m not sure if I’m ready to watch other people getting whipped.”

Nat was laughing even harder. “I’m not taking you to a BDSM club. I’m talking about dinner here at home. Once a month, I’m meet up with a couple of friends and we talk about our experiences. It’s good to exchange ideas with other people from the scene because the internet tells a lot of shit.”

Bucky pondered for a minute. He didn’t know if he was ready for it, but on the other hand nobody would force him to talk about his experiences. He wasn’t going to therapy, he could just listen, maybe talk to other Subs. He just needed to know that it could be good, that someone was happy living like that.

“Ok, I’m in.” He said hoarsely and his words brought a genuine smile to Nat’s face.

“That’s great, Buck. Our next get together is actually here, next Wednesday. Sam's gonna get kicked out.”

“Hey.” Sam complained playfully. “That’s vanilla shaming.”

Bucky laughed candidly about his best friend, knowing Sam wouldn’t mind being kicked out. Besides, he was free to stay, but then he would have to endure hours of kink talk. Yes, it was a good idea to accept the invitation. Maybe it would be helpful for him.

“Can the three of us watch a movie now?” Sam demanded, not even asking if Bucky would stay longer. “I’m tired of all the sex talk. Let’s do something fun.”

“Like sex isn’t fun.” Nat muttered sarcastically.

“It is but talking about it not so much.” Sam finished the discussion and turned on the TV. “Now shut up or I’m gonna spend the rest of the evening talking about my vanilla sex with Riley.”

“Wait.” Bucky said horrified. “You had sex with Riley and didn’t tell me?”

“Shut up, jerk.” Sam teased. “I wanna watch a movie now.”

They agreed on Harry Potter and spend the rest of the evening watching the first three movies, while Bucky unsuccessfully tried to coax all the dirty details out of Sam. 


	4. Chapter 4

**[6:01 PM] from Bucky to Becca:** SOS, outfit emergency

Bucky was standing in front of his mirror, half of his closet was scattered around the room. His jeans were piled up in the middle of his bed, his jackets on the armchair in the corner and the shirts all over the floor. Bucky was screwed.

**[6:02 PM] form Becca to Bucky:** Occasion?

**[6:02 PM] from Bucky to Becca:** Diner, no date, but Nat asked me to dress up

The diner at Nat's place was supposed to start in one hour, the walk over would take him at least fifteen minutes and he wasn't even ready yet. He was dressed only in his boxers and his hair was a mess, still wet from the shower earlier. Bucky was feeling stupid when he didn't know what to wear. Usually, he wasn’t even thinking about clothes. While he was waiting for an answer from his sister, who was a life safer at the moment, he blow-dried his hair and used conditioner Becca had left at his place weeks ago. He would never admit it to her, but the stuff made his hair soft and shiny and he was actually using it.

**[6:05 PM] from Becca to Bucky:** Black jeans Sam gave you last birthday and the dark green v-neck shirt you brought last month. Be careful, your ass in the jeans looks too fuckable 😜

**[6:06 PM] from Bucky to Becca:** Thanks, idiot

Bucky was jumping to get into the pants Becca recommended. Although his sister could be a real pain in the ass, he was grateful for her help and her reliable taste in fashion. If it was up to him, he would go to the dinner in sweatpants, but Natasha would send him straight back home. She had insisted that he would wear something presentable.

**[6:20 PM] from Becca to Bucky:** Put on your black leather jacket, brother-bear

**[6:24 PM] from Bucky to Becca:** Aye, Sir

Bucky would be lying if he'd say that he wasn't nervous. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go to the diner and he was pondering about it the whole day. On one hand he wanted to make new and better experiences, but he was afraid he would fuck up and Nat's friends would think he was weird. To be honest, he wasn't entirely comfortable with his preferences and he hadn’t told anyone besides Sam and Nat about the reasons why. Meeting with a group of people that would spend the entire evening talking about their kinks made Bucky feel scared.

Despite the doubts, he left his house wearing the leather jacket Becca had recommended and arrived on time. When he rang the bell, he felt a little sick, nervousness making his stomach turn.

Fortunately, Nat opened the door alone. She immediately saw how antsy he was feeling, his fingers fumbling with his sleeves. She said nothing, hugging him and giving him comfort until the fear subsided. 

"Nobody expects anything from you." She reassured him. "If you wanna leave after a second, they won't even look at you sideways. I promise. Just try, okay? Not for me, but for you."

Bucky smiled thankfully at her, his arms tightening around her waist. He was so grateful for her wordless understanding and most of all for her friendship.

"I'll try." He promised hoarsely, taking a deep breath to calm himself. Nothing was going to happen. He wasn't even going on a date, it was just a little get together with friends. No need to be scared. 

After a few minutes Nat let him go and placed her left hand on his upper back. She guided him to the living room where Clint was already waiting for them. Bucky had never met Clint before, the thing between Nat and him rather new, but he had seen pictures and had heard countless stories Nat had told during their Harry Potter marathon. Clint looked exactly as Nat had always described him. Cute and endearing, with a cheeky twinkle in his eyes.

"Hey, you must be Bucky. Nat talks a lot about you." Clint introduced himself with a bright smile on his face. "If you weren't gay, I would be afraid you could steal her away from me."

Bucky laughed out loud and the ice was broken. "I’d rather steal you, baby boy." Bucky joked, the sass back in his voice.

"Careful, Barnes." Nat said playful, unsuccessfully trying to sound stern. "Clint is mine. Besides, he loves getting his ass whipped and I doubt you could do it to him."

"True." Bucky replied cockily. "But I don't mind getting my ass whipped by him."

Clint roared with laughter and patted Bucky on the back. "Never going to happen, pal." He said. "But I might know exactly the right person for you."

Bucky smiled softly. Clint was cute and he was thankful for the offer, but he wasn't ready to trust another person yet. Maybe in the future when he wouldn’t think about Brock anymore. Clint could play matchmaker in the future. "We shall see." He wanted to change the subject.

The doorbell saved him from an uncomfortable situation and Nat, who could probably sense his tension, asked Clint to open the door. She took Bucky's hand and squeezed it quickly, reassuring him that everything would be fine. Bucky smiled thankfully and had himself under control again when two new guests entered the room.

One of the guests was a middle-aged man that looked strangely familiar to Bucky. He wore dress pants that looked more expensive than Bucky's entire wardrobe and a shiny red shirt. His arm was wrapped around a younger man with brown curls and the cutest face Bucky had ever seen. He was probably the same age as him and smiled adoringly at his older companion.

Nat had gotten up from the couch and greeted the two man with a hug. "Bucky, meet Tony and Peter."

Both smiled at him, but the older man took the first step forward. "I'm Tony. Pleasure to meet you." He reached out his hand and gave Bucky a cheeky smile.

Bucky stared at him intensely, trying to remember why Tony looked so familiar to him. "Do I know you?" He blurted out dumbly and paled a second later. Great, Bucky, he scolded himself. You know them for one minute and already managed to embarrass yourself.

Tony just laughed. "I don't think so, sweetheart. I would remember meeting someone as beautiful as you."

Bucky felt the heat building up in his cheeks and he was pretty sure he blushed dark red.

Peter rolled his eyes, pushed Tony's outstreched hand out of his way and offered Bucky his instead.

"Ignore my boyfriend." He said in a cheerful voice as Bucky took his hand. "He is a douche. Thinks he's allowed to do anything only because he's Tony Stark."

Wait a second, Tony Stark?

"Your boyfriend is Tony Stark?" He whispered in a way only Peter could hear. "The man behind you is _the_ Tony Stark? “

Peter laughed as if he was used to such questions, and probably he was. He smiled cheekily at Bucky and whispered in his ear. "Don't tell him if you admire him or I’ll have to spend the whole night with an overconfident billionaire. His ego is bigger than the moon and I would rather get spanked later than listening to him singing his own praises."

Bucky grinned broadly while he watched Peter's sparkling eyes. He instantly knew that he liked the other one.

"What are you talking about?“ Tony pouted, his arms possessively wrapped around Peter's waist. The younger one squeaked in delighted and pressed a sweet kiss on the billionaire’s cheek.

"None of your business, Daddy." He smiled at his boyfriend and Bucky could see the hunger in Tony's eyes as a reaction to Peter's words. He grabbed the chin of his younger lover and pressed a dominant kiss to his lips. Bucky would be lying if he denied the envy that spread in his chest due to the possessive gesture. He wanted exactly what Peter had. A man who takes what he wants, while still considering Bucky’s wishes.

"Can I offer you something to drink?" Nat broke the tender moment between the two men.

"Wine for me and a coke for Peter, please." Tony decided and sat down on the couch in the living room. He grabbed Peter's thighs and placed the younger one on his lap.

"I'll take a glass of wine, too." Bucky decided. Maybe one glass would help him relax and ease the whirlwind of emotions inside of him.

"White or red?" Nat asked them and Tony and Bucky answered ‘white’ in unison.

Tony smiled at him. "So, Bucky. Tell us, what brings you here for the first time."

Clint, Peter and Tony were watching him with interest and Bucky started to feel a little uncomfortable. It was one think to talk about his experiences with Nat and Sam and another to confess it to strangers. Nevertheless, he had decided up front to tell them a part of the truth to gain their sympathy. It would be much easier for them to understand his reluctant behavior.

"I'm into the kinky stuff just like you." Bucky joked dryly and according to their serious faces, they could either see in his face that he was feeling uncomfortable, or Nat had already warned them. "I just wanna talk about it with other people, I guess. It's difficult for me to accept this side of me."

Peter nodded understandingly and gave him a soft smile. He climbed off Tony's lap and sat on the couch next to Bucky, taking his hand.

"I understand that." He said sincerly. "First, it wasn't easy for me to cope with it, either. I was bullied in school and I always thought there must be something wrong with me that I wanted someone to humiliate me in bed. I doubted myself, thinking I was sick because I voluntary wanted what others did to me against my will. Tony helped me to understand that it isn't the same, that he cares about me and I only enjoy it when it's him."

He smiled so sweetly at his boyfriend that Bucky's heart melted. He'd known Peter for fifteen minutes and he already loved his endearing nature.

Out of the moment, he decided to tell a little more. "My ex wasn't that great. He took advantage of my kinks." He blurted out, already regretting that he'd overshared a second later.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Tony's face changing and concern spread on the billionaire's face.

"I'm fine." Bucky wished that he could take his words back, but it was too late. "I just want to talk about things. Guess I need to know that it can be great."

Tony's face was darkening even further, but thank god, his boyfriend was not only cute as hell but also insightful. "You wanna leave them for a while and talk with me about my experiences?"

"Hell, yeah." Bucky said relieved. "Maybe we can just sit at the diner table?“

Peter agreed and they separated from the group. When Nat entered the room, she raised her brow at the two of them, but thankfully said nothing. Instead, she placed the glass of wine in front of Bucky and went over to the couch to talk to Tony and Clint.

"You wanna tell me about it?" Peter asked neutrally, no curiosity in his question.

"Not really." Bucky shrugged. "He didn't hurt me or disrespected my safe word. He only did things to me that he knew I hated and I didn't stop him."

Peter looked at him seriously. "That is hurting you, Bucky. Even though you didn't use your safeword, he shouldn't have pushed your limits if you didn't talk about it beforehand. Especially since he knew you didn't like it. But I won't force you to talk. Wanna listen to me rambling about Tony instead?"

Bucky nodded, he was actually quiet interested in the lives of the two man.

"I met him when I was an intern at Stark Industries." Peter started laughing and Bucky looked at him appalled. "No no, I was an adult, I swear. It was an internship during college, I was already twenty. " Peter hastily added.

He continued when Bucky relaxed again. "He wasn't what I had imagined. He wasn't the perfect rich man, the idol I worshipped. Instead, he had faults like every other person in the world, but we fit in and out of bed. Actually, he didn't make the first move, afraid I was too young for him, so I approached him. Straight out kissed him in the lab. Not my smoothest move to be honest. "

"How did you accept your preferences." Bucky asked curiously, taking a sip of his wine.

"Communication." Peter answered in earnest. "It doesn't matter if your sex is vanilla or not, communication is key. He told me he liked to dominate in bed and I tried it for him the first time. It was pretty overwhelming and I loved and hated it. Cried for two hours straight after the first time, but Tony was perfect." Peter's gaze became dreamily. "He cared for me, helped me to talk about my fears and stood by my side every time. Tony's actually a sap after sex and we spent hours cuddling while he assured me that he loved me more than anything else in the world."

Bucky's stomach turned. That was exactly what he wanted for himself and he could stop the envy. Guiltily, he avoided Peter's eyes. After the short time they knew each other, Bucky already decided that if anyone deserved to be loved like this, it would be sweet Peter.

Peter was apparently a mind reader because he squeezed Bucky's hand and lifted his chin. "It's okay to be jealous, don't be ashamed. You've made bad experiences and I'm sorry for that but you're young. There’ll be plenty of men for you to meet."

Bucky sighed in relief, the knot in his stomach slowly loosening. Peter was right. He just needed to have more faith in himself, more confidence.

"What do you like?“ Bucky changed the topic, curious about the other man’s experiences.

"Oh, I like a lot." Peter giggled brightly. "But if I have to pick my top five it would be spanking, obviously, but only if Tony uses his hands." Peter's smile got dirtier. "I love bondage, rimming, oral and the good ol’ classic: Taking his cock up my ass."

Bucky choked on a sip of his whine as Peter talked that dirty. He looked so young and innocent, but a lot of filthy shit was buried inside.

"What do you like?“ Peter asked carefully, mindful of Bucky's past.

" I haven't tried much." Bucky confessed." And I'm not even sure if I'd like things, that I hated before, with another partner, but I'm certain I'm into humiliation when it's followed by aftercare."

Peter didn't answer, but the look on his face was full of concern. Bucky started to shift uncomfortable on the chair, a habit he couldn't get rid of. Luckily, the doorbell interrupted their conversation and saved him from an aftercare discussion.

"I’ll go." Nat announced, already on her way to the door. "You can all sit down at the table. Diner will be ready in five minutes."

Tony and Clint got up and joined Bucky and Peter. Tony clamined the chair on the other side of his boyfriend and immediately interlaced their hands. Sap.

"I'm sorry I'm late." A familiar voice said behind Bucky and he felt a cold shiver running down his spine. "Peggy wanted to come along, but there were problems with the last publish. She excused herself for the evening."

Oh no. Oh no no no. Bucky was hoping, begging that it was a dream. Or a confusion. A confusion would be fine, too. Actually, anything would be better than the man he hadn't seen since last week and whom he definitely planned to never see again. Bucks felt how his hands started to sweat and his heart was beating faster.

"Steve, I'm glad you could make it." Tony's voice destroyed his last hopes.

Double shit. He was screwed. What did he do in his childhood that he was punished with this shit called his life? Suddenly, Bucky was fighting against the urge to flee and he was no longer sure how he was gonna survive the evening.

"It's fine, Steve." Nat said. "Tell Peggy she’ll have to come next time, but it’s nice that you came anyway. How is work?“

"Busy." Steve sighed. " Let's not talk about work tonight."

Nat laughed in sympathy, while Bucky slowly turned around. One gaze confirmed again, he was utterly fucked. Steve Rogers was standing behind him, looking as handsome as last week, wearing tight pants that hugged his strong legs and a body-hugging t-shirt. The only difference was that this time Bucky would rather strangle him than sink to his knees. Surely, that could be called progress. Although… sadly he caught himself drooling a little. His life was a joke.

"Steve, can I introduce you to Bucky? He wanted to join us today." Nat didn't notice that something was wrong.

Bucky could pinpoint the exact moment Rogers recognized him. His smile disappeared in a second and his whole posture was changing from confident to sheepishly. It gave Bucky a strange satisfaction that Rogers was as intimidated by their encounter as he was, maybe even more, but the feeling didn’t last long. Mainly, he swallowed the urge to get up and run.

"Um, hey?“ The slip in Rogers's voice wasn't subtle and unfortunately, Nat understood his hesitation completely wrong.

"Oh, Steve. I know he is your type." She joked. "But keep it in your pants. Bucky didn't make good experiences with Doms, especially with his ex."

Normally, Nat was way more careful when it came to revealing details about her friend's life to strangers, but apparently, she trusted Rogers. It made the situation even worse. While Bucky was blushing furiously and tried his best to stare holes in the napkin on his plate, Steve turned white like snow. Wonderful. Now not only had Rogers humiliated him in the worst possible way, he also knew about his shithead Ex.

Horror spread across Rogers’ face and if Bucky had thought the author had looked guilty last time, it couldn't be compared to now. "I didn't know, I..." Rogers started babbling and Bucky interrupted him violently before the situation would get worse. If that was even possible.

"Hi." He said briefly, his voice colder than expected.

"Have you met before?" Nat asked confused.

Rogers embarrassed starred at his shoes while Bucky took matters into his own hands. "We met for the interview Clint and you set us up with."

"You didn't tell me you'd already met." Nat was looking at them accusingly and Rogers tried to avoid her gaze.

"Must have forgotton." Bucky replied fake cheeringly. "Couldn't publish it anyway. Newspaper was already printed." It was a blatant lie and Bucky could see in her gaze that she didn't buy it.

Peter, who sensed the upcoming argument, took swift action. " Nat, weren't we going to have dinner before it got cold?"

Reluctantly, Nat let it go and Rogers sat down on the only empty chair next to Buck. Great. Bucky could feel the presence of the other man next to him and Rogers was so bulky that he couldn't avoid touching Bucky's knee with his. Bucky felt as if he was pressed against his biggest enemy and walking wet dream at the same time.

The beginning of the dinner was horrible. Everyone could sense the weird tension between them even Tony and Peter avoided touching each other. Quietly, they eat their food and Bucky didn’t even taste anything. His mind was alert, aware of the threat beside him.

"So Buck, I have a small house outside of town." Tony broke the silence after a few minutes and everyone sighed in relief. The tension had been almost unbearable.

"Small?“ Peter replied, his eyebrows raised.

Tony gave his boyfriend a broad smile. "Six bedrooms, fairly small I would say."

Bucky coughed. Small indeed.

"Anyways, what I wanted to say before my boyfriend rudly interrupted me..." Although Tony was trying, his gaze couldn't be described as angry. Instead it was heated and Peter shifted on his chair, blushing and licking his lips. "Once in a while I invite some of our friends to stay the weekend with us and Peter and I wanted to ask if you would like to join us."

Bucky hasitated. One one hand, He really wanted to go. Nat would probably be there and he was thrilled to spend more time with Peter. The only problem was that Rogers would very likely be invited, too. Shit.

"Please say yes, Buck." Nat pleaded and gave him the puppy-eyes look. It was weird seeing the dominant woman looking at him like that. "Sam will be there, too."

Bucky sighed, but nodded in agreement. Rogers wasn't Brock and he didn't want to treat him like a criminal. It would be silly to avoid the author like a child, he didn't even have to share a room with him. Determined to move on, Bucky decided to say yes.

Peter squeaked happily and hugged him from the side. "Buck, it's gonna be amazing, I promise."

Bucky genuinely smiled at the other man, while he avoided looking in Rogers' direction. He didn't want to see the author's reaction.

Eventually, the tension eased and everyone started to relax. Bucky did his best to ignore the knee pressed against his leg and he was proud to say he felt neither anger nor arousal during the rest of the diner. Instead, he could enjoy the pasta Nat had cooked.

After a few glasses of wine for everyone, the conversations began to shift towards the reason why Bucky was here. Apparently, Nat and Clint were into pet play because Clint was telling everyone with animated gestures how much he had loved the tail that was attached to a plug. Although Bucky was clearly into humiliation, he doubted he would like pet play. The thought of eating out of a bowl alone was enough to make him cringe while Clint was talking about it as if it had been the best day ever.

The things Tony and Peter were talking about were more to Bucky's liking. He was quiet interested when Tony told everyone about the new vibrator he had invented, and Peter blushed furiously when he explained to everyone the technological concept that made it hit his prostate every time. Bucky was relieved that Peter steemed to be a little embarrassed, because hearing Nat, Clint and Tony talking about their sex life as if they were discussing the weather made him feel like a prude.

Rogers, on the other hand, hasn’t said anything. "Don't you have anything to tell us, Stevie?“ Nat teased him and Bucky could see how the author was furiously shaking the head.

"Nothing?" Nat asked confused. "Weren’t you supposed to play last Saturday."

Oh fuck, Bucky paled while he was counting the days backwards. Saturday had been the day when he had tried to interview Rogers. A sick feeling was spreading in his stomach. Did Rogers plan all this? Had he known that Bucky was a sub and waited to lure him to bed? It would certainly explain why Rogers hadn’t been surprised to see him.

Rogers turned as white as Bucky and the tension between them increased. Bucky could distinctly feel the leg that was pressed against his and he tried inconspicuously to move his chair closer to Peter. It didn't work. He could still feel the knee of the author.

Although Nat was usually very attentive, she didn't seem to realise that her words were making it worse. "I could have sworn that you told me about the Sub you wanted to play with before. Did you cancel on him?"

Bucky felt the urge to vomit and he pushed his chair back with a vengeance. "Bathroom." He blurted out when everyone was looking at him confused.

His ears were ringing. He didn't hear how Rogers called his name and ran after him. He didn't notice that Natasha was following, either. He didn't even care about all the eyes that were fixed on him. The only thing he could hear was his own accelerated heartbeat. He wanted out, wanted to be anywhere but here.

It was a relief when the bathroom door closed behind him and Bucky quickly turned the lock. He was so close to losing his composure in front of practically strangers and he was wondering even more if he had overshared. Why did he ever thought he was ready to face this? He should have stayed at home or maybe gone out with Sam, having a nice evening eating Pizza and talking about Riley. He just wasn't ready to move on after everything that had happened, maybe he never would. Why had he thought talking about BDSM with others would help him get better? And why hadn’t he thought about Rogers being here? He was Clint’s best friend after all.

Bucky clutched the sink tightly and splashed some water on his face. He took a deep breath, counted to three and exhaled. After Brock, he had learned to deal with sudden panic attacks and regulating his breath was the most effective method. Slowly the sound of his own heartbeat softened and he could focus on his surrounding again.

Bucky could hear a knock on the bathroom door, but he wasn't ready to face the others yet. There was no way for him to sneak out undetected and Bucky would have to walk past the living room to get to the front-door.

After a few seconds, the knocking stopped and Bucky pressed his ear against the door to check if the coast was clear. Instead of silence, he could hear muffled voiced coming from the hallway.

"Steve, what had happened." Nat's confused voice was slowly shifting towards anger and Bucky could hear her as if he was standing right next to her.

Rogers was much harder to hear and Bucky could barely understand his sheepish words. "I've messed up, Nat."

"What happened?!" Nat's words sounded more like a growl.

Rogers stayed silent for a second, and then words tumbled out of his mouth so fast that Bucky had troubles understanding him. "Last Saturday, Bucky came by to interview me and I... I didn't think... I might have ordered him to drop to his knee."

Nat clearly sounded horrified. "Steve."

Rogers continued to ramble. "...and I've flirted with him and I kissed him and he might have safeworded and..."

"STEVE, you haven't talked with him about it beforehand, have you? He knocked on your door and you what? Assumed he was your Sub? Did you at least asked him about his limits?" Bucky had never heard her so angry in her life.

Rogers’ voice was shaking. "Nat, I didn’t know and Peggy had said… and he was so beautiful, exactly my type and I thought ...Peggy had said... "

Bucky didn't want to listen to Rogers stammering anymore. He left his listening spot at the door and sat down on the edge of the bathtube. Maybe, if he would just wait long enough, all of the guests would leave. He didn’t want to see Rogers anymore.

While he waited for the time to pass, Bucky starred at the wall in front of him. It hadn't been that bad, he said to himself over and over again. Rogers had listed to his safe word and he had looked ashamed. That was more than he could ever expect from Brock.

Bucky didn't know how much time had past until he finally left the bathroom, but fortunately, Rogers had already left. He couldn't deal with the author now and it was a blessing that he didn't have to. Tony and Peter were sitting on the couch, strenuously not looking at him and Bucky was thankful for their effort. Clint had disappeared, so only Nat was sitting at the diner table.

"You wanna talk?“ She asked carefully and Bucky pondered for a second, but shook his head. He had talked enough in the last few days.

"Later." His voice was tired. "Maybe we can spend a relaxed evening with Tony and Peter? Please, just don't mention it today."

Nat shrugged. „Sure. Guess that was enough stress for one day.” She took a deep breath. “Bucky, I’m sorry. I didn’t know-“

“Don’t.” He cut her off in mid-sentence. “Let’s just go and do something else. Maybe watching a movie again?”

She nodded and let it go. He wouldn’t talk about it today anyway. When they returned to the living room, neither Clint nor Peter and Tony protested about watching a movie. They didn’t talk about the thing with Rogers or kinky sex anymore, spending an evening together as friends. After a while, Sam came back home and Bucky almost forget what a mess he was. He knew that one day he would have to talk to Rogers, if only because they had the same friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it <3  
> Please leave a comment and kudos, I'm a sucker for those. 
> 
> I've got some problems with my format and maybe someone can help me. Although in word, there is only one free line between paragraphs, fanfictions makes two out of it and I don't want to change it every time, so I just leave it. It wasn't like that before. Anyone knows what I'm doing wrong?
> 
> My Tumblr


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the next chapter. I had a lot of time, so I post earlier <3 Enjoy

Bucky didn’t think he would see any of Nat’s guests again before the weekend trip, but surprisingly, he received a message from an unknown number a few days later.

**[1:43 PM] from unknown number to Bucky:** Hey sup? This is Peter. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? Tony gave me his credit card and asked me if u’d like to come along so we can buy us something nice. I wanna surprise him.

Bucky was torn between anticipation and guilty. Sure, he would love to spend an afternoon shopping with Peter but using Tony’s credit card was a bit too much. He didn’t know the man, had met him once and he was already offering him to buy stuff? He decided he could still decline the offer _and_ tag along, so he sent a short message to Peter confirming the day and place. As expected, Peter didn’t meet him there and a limousine picked him up instead. They even had a driver. A DRIVER. Meeting rich people was weird.

“Hey, Buck.” Peter greeted him with a big smile as he got into the car. “You’re ready? I’m warning you, I’m a horrible shopping partner. Tony is secretly relieved he didn’t have to go with me.”

“Lie.” The driver barged in. “He loves to spoil you. I saw him pouting after you told him you would rather go with Bucky. Needed to remind him of your surprise from the last shopping trip until he stopped moping.”

Peter laughed, blushed a deep red and Bucky could vaguely image what the surprise had been about. “Let’s not talk about it, Happy.” Peter insisted, shame written all over his face.

“You’re not that shy when Tony is banging you over every available surface in the house, even when I’m waiting for you in the entry hall. You think I wouldn’t hear you?” Even Bucky was blushing now, and Peter coughed uncomfortably. Apparently, no one but the two of them had any inhibitions talking about sex.

“Where are we going?” Bucky changed the topic and Peter rewarded him with a grateful smile.

“I don’t really know.” Peter replied. “Tony told me about a new shopping mall and asked Happy to bring us there. It’s as new to me as it is to you.”

Twenty minutes later, Bucky knew he would never listen to any of Tony’s recommendations ever again. When they got out of the car, nobody was looking at them, and that was already a hint enough because they were riding in a fucking limousine. A young boy in a suit came up to them, offered them some champaign and led them to the front door of the mall. And Bucky? Bucky was wearing a fucking band t-shirt with black jeans. At least, he hadn’t picked out the pants with the holes in them this morning. He glared angrily at Peter who smiled his innocent cute smile, and suddenly Bucky knew how Peter had wrapped Tony around his finger. One smile and all his anger vanished. Damn, puppy eyes.

For a second, he hoped Peer would change his mind, maybe they could go somewhere else? He’d heard that Victoria’s Secret had some pretty nice stuff, too, but Peter, the traitor, laughed and pulled him into the first shop. It was the living hell.

One look at the price tags and Bucky cursed, knowing he wouldn’t buy a single thing at all. How can panties cost $500? Especially since there wasn’t even that much fabric left. He sighed, accepting that he would only be the shopping companion for his friend with a billionaire Sugar Daddy. He could buy cheaper stuff later, assuming he would ever used it because there was no potential boyfriend was in sight.

Peter, the little shit, was cleverer than Bucky had expected, and he swore never to underestimate the whirlwind again. He begged Bucky to try on some panties, just so that he wasn’t the only one in the changing room, and of course Bucky couldn’t say no to the cute face.

So, he tried on panties after panties, cute little sleep shorts with the emphasis on little, and sheer almost translucent tops that didn’t even cover his belly button. Peter, the traitor, had assured Bucky how good the lingerie looked on him, how it complimented his features (mainly his ass) until he had led him to a false sense of security. Bucky thought he was just trying it on for fun, and Peter said nothing, only nodded to the shop assistant who was wearing a poker face. At first, he had been afraid that Peter would force him to buy it with Tony’s credit card, but the little shit was way too smart for something so obvious.

Instead, Bucky was bugged by the doorbell a few hours after he got home, and a delivery man brought bags upon bags of clothes into the hallway. And he couldn’t even protest anymore, because Peter had already paid for everything, including the delivery and the tip. What a nightmare. When he added up the sum of the price tags, Bucky actually faded. Now his underwear collection was worth more than his rent for the whole year.

Bucky called the little shit, but of course he didn’t pick up, probably watching his phone the entire time while he was laughing together with Tony. Except he was about to his boyfriend the surprise right now, but Bucky could even see that he was online, purposely ignoring him as if he was the annoying friend that Peter didn’t want to deal with.

He fumed, sitting on the floor of his living room because every other surface was blocked by huge oversized shopping bags. Slowly he began to feel desperate. No way in hell could he ever wear that amount of underwear unless he just wore it once and bringing it back as well as donating it felt wrong because he hadn’t payed for it himself.

So, he sat on his own floor, getting more and became more frustrated by the second until he decided to drink a cup of coffee first. He just needed a plan! And what better way to solve a problem than giving in to his caffeine addiction first?

Twenty minutes later, Bucky had fetched an old moving box he had found in the basement and placed it in the middle of the room. Then he opened each shopping bag, one by one, pulling out the clothes and removing the price tag. The empty bags as well as the price tags went straight into the moving box while the clothes were piled up on the couch. When he was finished, it took Bucky another ten minutes to carry the underwear to his bedroom, not knowing what to do with it now. He shrugged, deciding to pile it up on the floor for a minute. Don’t get him wrong, Bucky was more than grateful for what the little shit had done, but Peter could have warned him beforehand. He didn’t even know where to put the stuff, it was enough to fill his whole wardrobe.

When the doorbell rang again, Bucky was furious, ready to strangle the next delivery man who would dare to cross his way. Hadn't he been punished enough already? Did Peter send another load of clothes just to see him struggle? But instead of a sweaty old man carrying another load of shopping bags, Rogers was stood in the doorway, looking unfairly handsome as always, with that familiar guilty look on his face. Great, the only person he wanted to see less than another delivery man. What a day.

“Can I come in?” He begged, looking at Bucky like a kicked puppy and Bucky sighed, taking a step back to let him in.

Normally, he wouldn’t even think about it and he was about to bang the door shut in Rogers face, but he didn’t want to act like a child. He would be trapped with Rogers in a house outside of the city very soon and although Tony’s house was probably big enough for two soccer teams, they would still spend time together. Best to talk about if before.

Rogers looked lost in his tiny apartment, the tall beefy man standing there with his arms crossed in front of his chest and his posture screamed how uncomfortable he was feeling. Sure, Bucky could offer him a seat, maybe even a coffee, but he enjoyed watching the other man struggle. So, he sat down on the couch while Rodgers stood in the middle of his living room like a lost puppy.

“I got your address from Peter.” Rogers explained even though Bucky hadn’t asked.

Of course, he did. Cute little Peter, who didn’t want tension between his friends, thinking it would be alright to give his address to strangers. Had he said a minute ago that he was thankful for the little shit? He took everything back.

“Can we talk?” The author asked and finally Bucky nodded, gesturing Rogers to sit down next to him.

What followed was silence. Bucky had expected a monologue, big words about how sorry he was or what a misunderstanding it had been, but Rogers said nothing, making the situation only worse. Instead, he was sitting on his couch, stiff as a board and Bucky could hear the ticking of his clock, counting the seconds, until finally, Rogers spoke up.

“I am really sorry, Buck.”

Bucky didn’t really know what to say. “Ok, thanks.”

He was sitting here facing Rogers, although he was bringing back all the memories and the only thing the author had said was sorry? Not even an explanation. Bucky was tired. There was no anger left, no indignation, he just wanted to get over the thing with Brock, making new memories and meeting new people, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to unless he talked to Rogers first.

“It was a misunderstanding.” Rogers said desperately. “I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you.” They stayed quiet for a second. “Okay, that sounded lame.”

“Yep.” Bucky replied, still glaring accusingly at Rodgers and it was a revelation how such a dominant, self-confident man could be so shaken by his mere presence.

Rogers took a couple of deep breaths before he spoke again. Apparently, it helped him to pull himself together as his posture straightened and the kicked puppy look disappeared. “I’m doing this all wrong. Natasha ordered me to tell you everything from the beginning after she kicked my ass.”

“She kicked your ass?” Bucky asked, suddenly more interested and he leaned forward on the couch where he was sitting.

“Figuratively speaking.” Rogers clarified and Bucky was almost disappointed. Nat did have a serious punch. Once a guy had tried to grab her ass, even though she had warned him not to touch her, and by the end of the day he had ended up in a hospital bed with a broken nose. Nat’s fists could be deadly, and he would have loved to see them in Rogers face. Just once, so that he could feel better afterwards.

Bucky sighed. He knew, intimidating Rogers wouldn’t get them anywhere, and maybe it was because he was sick of feeling bad, maybe he even wanted to like Rogers because all of his friends seemed to like him, but he decided to quit the games and give Rogers a chance. There would most likely be a reason Clint, Tony, Peter and Nat spent time with the author and Bucky didn’t want to be the reason, things might stay tense between them.

“Okay, fine.” He encouraged the author to talk. “Tell me what you wanted to say.”

The relief on Rogers face was palpable. “When you came to see me, I really didn’t know that you were coming for an interview.” He explained, calmer that he had been minutes before. “Yes, Clint had told me that a friend of Nat’s wanted to ask me some questions, but I had forgotten you were coming on Saturday.”

“Hmm.” Bucky was relieved, too. At least Rogers hadn’t planned all this. Knowing that the author might have taken advantage of his hero worshipping was one of his ugliest thoughts. He had idolized him for half his life, but that had stopped the day he had met him. Now he started to understand than the author was a human, just like everyone else, but if he had deliberately taken advantage of Bucky, it would have been too much.

“Actually, I took you for a prostitute.”

Wait, what? Bucky coughed, choked on his own spit, und he felt his eyes started to water. He definitely hadn’t expected that, and he wasn’t even ashamed when Rogers had to get up and bring him a glass of water. He was allowed to choke when someone confessed that he had thought he had been a prostitute. Well, that would also explain why Rogers had praised him to be worth the money.

When Bucky calmed down again, the author continued. “You haven’t met Peggy yet, but she is my associate partner. If you want to be a successful author, good writing isn’t enough. You need someone who manages everything, and that’s Peggy’s job. We met in a BDSM club actually, she’s a Domme like me. Peggy is usually part of our dinner, but she was busy on Wednesday.”

Bucky raised his brows, still not sure what the point of Steve’s speech was. “I haven’t played with a Sub since I broke up with my last boyfriend. Peggy thought maybe it was time for me to meet someone new, to go out and date again, but I just didn’t want to. Dating is too much effort and I wanted to focus on my next book.”

That was something Bucky could understand. He was a person that was dedicated to his work as well and during his finals his focus was solely on studying. Meeting new people was effort and making time to get to know them even more. He felt himself relaxing further, the longer Rogers was talking.

“She said to me that she wanted to buy me a prostitute, and at first I thought she was joking, but then she told me she found the perfect Sub and that he would come by on Saturday.”

Rogers faltered, and slowly Bucky began to understand what the whole thing was about. During his next words, the author had his gaze fixed on Bucky and determination brightened his eyes. “When you knocked on my door, I saw the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Peggy knew the type of Sub I prefer and when you listened to me and didn’t protest when I forced you to press yourself against me, I was convinced that she had found the perfect prostitute for me.”

Bucky blushed. Hell, that was uncomfortable. Bucky wasn’t sure if he was flattered or freaked out and tried desperately not to look Rogers in the eyes. How could he be so calm when he said such things?

“I didn’t tell you that to make you feel bad or to convince you that I didn’t make a mistake because I did. I just want you to understand my side of the story.” Rogers words sounded sincere.

Bucky nodded slowly and realize that talking to the author had been the right decision. It was good to know that Rogers hadn’t wanted to humiliate him with these words, and Bucky knew he hadn’t acted entirely right, either. He should have talked to him right away instead of running off like a child.

“I just assumed you were him. Peggy had told me that she had talked to the Sub about his limits and his safewords before, but I should have addressed your limits again.” Rogers ran his hands through his own hair until it was a mess and the gesture revealed that the author was as uncomfortable as he was.

“God it was so stupid. I should have asked first. I am really sorry, Bucky. Less that I mixed you up, but that I didn’t talk about it. I should have known better. I wasn’t thinking with my head. I’m just glad that I at least told you your safeword, which you didn’t even know about beforehand. You cannot imagine how uncomfortable it was when the doorbell rang again two hours later.”

Bucky took a deep breath and leaned back on the couch, without thinking about running away for the first time. He quickly decided to call the author _Steve_ again. Holding on to his old grudges would get him nowhere. And to be honest, he enjoyed the image of Steve opening the door again to see the prostitute he had originally been waiting for.

“It’s okay, Steve. Yes, you should have talked about that, at least when I asked you questions you were confused about, but I didn’t react entirely right, either. I won’t apologize for running off in Nat’s place, you caught me off guard there. However, I shouldn’t have left you like that. I should have stopped it and stayed for a minute, just to explain my feelings.”

Steve started to protest. “Bucky, that’s not true. You have done nothing wrong.”

Bucky laughed bitterly and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter whether I did something wrong. I’m thinking about what I could have done better. You’re not as bad as Nat or you make yourself out to be. You listened to my safe word.”

“Of course, I did.” Steve said, outraged, eyes widening from what Bucky was implying. “Has anyone ever not listened to yours?”

Bucky shook his head vehemently. “No, I actually never used it before last Saturday.”

He could see that his words made Steve uncomfortable, that he was shifting on the couch and that his gaze dropped down until it was fixed on his lap. “I-I’m so sorry, again, Bucky.” Steve stuttered and Bucky realized he way too used to the guilty look. He didn’t want to see it anymore.

“Hey, no more of that.” Bucky appeased Steve. ”I’m very proud of myself for using it. I’ve dealt with a lot of shit in the past because I didn’t say it, because I didn’t _quit._ However, Saturday helped me to get over it, Steve, because I used it, you know? I trust myself again.”

Steve still didn’t look convinced, but thankfully he didn’t pry, and slowly his face expression changed until a small smile appeared. “Okay, I still acted wrong, but I can leave it behind if you can.”

“I can.” Bucky said candidly because he already had done so minutes ago. Steve wasn’t a bad person. He had made a mistake, had made an assumption he shouldn’t have made, but it was nothing Bucky couldn’t get over. The real problem was Brock.

“Can I ask you a question about your ex?” Steve asked tentatively, looking for signs of discomfort in Bucky’s gaze.

His first reaction was to shake his head, to tell the author it was nothing of his concern, but Bucky stopped himself and decided to give it a try. “You can, but I don’t know if I’m going to answer it.”

Steve swallowed, carefully choosing his next words. “Why are you proud you used your safe word?”

He looked so vulnerable, so scared to overstep that Bucky decided to share a little bit of the story. “I’ve already told you I’ve never used my save word, so he never did anything too bad. However, he made me emotionally dependent on him and did things that he knew I didn’t like, knowing I would do them to keep him. Well, in the end it wasn’t enough and I quit. Saturday showed me that I can take care of myself, that I am no longer dependent on anyone.”

Slowly Steve started to nod, and Bucky was relieved he didn’t apologize again. “I get it, I think. Thank you for being so honest. Umm, guess it’s time for me to leave then?” Steve half asked, half said and Bucky suppressed a smile at the insecure behavior. Where was the confident man, again?

“You don’t have to go.” Bucky offered. “We can have coffee if you want. We’ll spend a lot of time together soon. Better get used to it.”

Steve smiled broadly, all the tension falling from his shoulders. He thankfully accepted the coffee that Bucky had gotten for him and relaxed into the couch. Steve was beautiful when he smiled, and Bucky felt safe in his presence for the first time. There was no more guilt and anger left, and even the arousal was kept at bay. It gave him a feeling of control, that he didn’t lose control around Steve and the feeling brightened his mood.

They talked for a long time before the author left. Bucky told Steve all about his studies, the classes he picked and the books he’d read. It was different to talk about it with Steve than with Sam or Nat because the author was interested in the topics himself. They even got lost for a few minutes in a discussion of last century's writing styles, and Bucky enjoyed the little argument they had.

Steve, in return, told Bucky all about his latest book and the plot twist he wasn’t one hundred percent happy with even after it had been published. Since Bucky had already read it, they spent half an hour discussing all possible alternatives.

It was simply nice, and Bucky was sure they would get along for the weekend. Everything so once the stupid sexual tension between them didn’t melt their brains and Bucky hoped that this was something they could work on. He would do his best to make sure that his inappropriate feelings wouldn’t destroy the little friendship they were trying to build. That couldn’t be so hard, right?

When Steve left two hours later, Bucky didn’t admit to himself that he already missed talking to the author. It had been a nice evening and he could hardly wait for the vacation to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, they have finally talked to each other. Did Bucky really think he can stay in control around Steve? The author (me) will convince him otherwise xD 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter and leave a comment and kudos. 
> 
> You can visit me on [Tumblr](https://jeranasblog.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

„Oh my god, yes. I‘m coming. Stop ringing the bell.” Bucky was slightly annoyed when the penetrant noise of his bell wouldn’t stop, and he opened the door grumpily and half-dressed.

“Hi, Buck.” Peter beamed and walked into his apartment uninvited, not even caring that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. “I’m sorry we are early, but I’m so excited about the trip. The others are waiting in the car.” He sat down on Bucky’s couch and inspected the open bag next to him as if it was his own. It was only half packed.

“And you didn't think it was necessary to tell me?” What had Bucky done that the universe would punish him with a friend like Peter?

“Ups, I forgot about that.” Bucky realized right away that Peter was lying.

“What are you really doing here?” Bucky sighed, giving in to the little shit. He would get his way anyway, and Bucky shouldn’t waste his energy trying.

Peter blushed and lowered his head, watching his own hands in sudden interest. “Soo, I’ve heard you talked to Steve after our little shopping trip? And he apologized?”

Oh, no. Oh, no no no. Bucky knew exactly where this was going and he didn’t like it one bit. Peter was trying to play matchmaker. “Yes and no.” Bucky said snippy and sighed again as he was punished with another confused puppy-eye look. “Yes, we talked, yes, he apologized, yes, we are fine. But I don’t want to start something with him just because we’re the only singles on the trip.”

Peter looked like Bucky had taken away his favorite toy. Shit, his heart screamed at him to give in, but he had to stay strong. “Pete, look. I really appreciate your effort, but don’t you think Steve and I need to get to know each other first before we start something, huh?”

The second he said that Bucky knew it had been a mistake. Peter’s eyes lit up and he was probably thinking it was just a matter of time before they started dating. Oh gee, that’s not what he wanted to say, but taking it back would be so cruel, considering Peter only wanted his best, so Bucky stayed quiet and tried to ignore the hopeful look on Peter’s face. He would totally regret his slip later.

“Let’s finish packing your bag.” Peter decided cheerfully, and Bucky could do nothing but nod. The damage was done anyway.

Peter rummaged around in Bucky’s half-packed bag, occasionally pulling out a shirt or two and inspecting them carefully. Even though he didn’t say a word, small sounds made it very clear what Peter thought about his wardrobe. Five minutes later, some of his clothes were taken out of the bag and Bucky whimpered as Peter tried to take away his most comfy joggers.

“Please, not the joggers, Pete. I love them.” Bucky tried to sound pitiful, but Peter stayed strong and shook his head.

“No, Buck. They are already worn out.” The little shit decided and dragged Bucky and his bag into his bedroom. Unfortunately, the lingerie was still piled up on the floor because Bucky didn’t really know where to store it and Peter lit up like a Christmas candle when his eyes fell on it.

“Let’s make a deal.” The little shit suggested. “I’ll pack your bag for the weekend trip and when we get back, I’ll buy you three new comfy joggers.”

Bucky growled. “You mean Tony buys them?”

Peter laughed happily and didn’t care about the implication Bucky made. “Oh, Buck. I still work at Stark Industries and they pay exceedingly well. I can afford a few joggers without asking my boyfriend.”

Bucky immediately felt bad. The last thing he wanted was Peter thinking Bucky saw him as a gold digger. Peter was a good man, kind and cute, and Bucky was pretty sure Tony’s and his relationship wasn’t based on money. “I’m sorry, Pete.” He said, a little ashamed of himself.

And Peter, the traitor? Peter was neither offended nor considerate. “All is forgiven Bucky.” He chirped, his million-watt smile directed at Bucky. “But only if you allow me to pack your bag.”

He knew it, Peter was born to torture him. Bucky groaned loudly and waved his hand, allowing Peter to do as he wished. He just sat down at the kitchen table with his head on his hands and waited for the little shit to finish packing.

Five minutes later, Bucky locked his door behind him and carried his bag without knowing about the clothes he would bring along. Peter even persuaded him to change and he was wearing one of his cream-colored panties now. At least, he was allowed to keep his favorite band tee and the black skinny jeans on, but only after Peter had inspected if his ass looked good in them. He felt like six again, when his Mom had picked out his clothes.

Peter led him to a sports car, probably Tony’s, and Bucky was confused for a second. “Isn’t it a little small for all of us?”

“Nat, Sam and Peggy are driving together with their own car.” Peter explained and Bucky almost missed the mischievous smile. Of course, Peter had insisted that Bucky shared the car with Steve. He had never met someone that obvious before, but he didn’t want to make a fuss. It was just a ride.

Turns out it wasn’t just a ride. The driver had opened the door for them and Peter had asked him to climb in first. Bucky had expected that he would sit next to Steve, and of course he did, but nobody had warned him that a sportscar could be so small.

He sat in the middle, Peter on his left and Steve on his right, while Tony lounged in the passenger seat. Peter was small, maybe even smaller than Bucky and he touched Bucky's side only slightly. Steve, on the other hand, was like a brick wall and his perfectly muscled body was pressed against Bucky. He looked unfairly handsome like he did every day and Bucky did his best not to stare at him. When the driver closed the door behind them, the contact only increased.

“Hey, Buck. How are you?” Tony asked from the front of the car.

It took Bucky a second to process the question, hyperaware of the body next to him. His mind was clouded, all his senses overwhelmed by Steve’s presence. He could feel the warmth of the body, the thick muscular thighs that were pressed against him and he closed his eyes, trying to repress the emerging memories of what it felt like to be seated on Steve’s lap. His mind was wandering even further, providing him with images of himself, bend over Steve’s thighs and bouncing on his cock. A shiver ran down his spine and the familiar want tingled in his body.

The worst thing was Steve’s smell. He smelled musky, with a hint of cinnamon and coffee underneath, and Bucky’s mouth watered. He wanted to crawl closer to the other man, wanted to bury his nose in Steve’s neck and feel the muscles of his chest. He craved Steve’s hands on his body, pulling his hair and forcing his head back until Steve had enough room to press his cock between Bucky’s lips. The desire to taste him was overwhelming and for a second, Bucky was afraid he would beg.

“Bucky, you’re okay?” Steve asked and Bucky realized, he hadn’t answered Tony’s question.

Fuck, hopefully no one had noticed his daydream, but judging by the face of the author, at least one person had. Steve’s pupils were dilated, black swallowed the icy-blue and he felt how Steve’s gaze was wandering down his body.

“Umm, yes.” Bucky said, torn between embarrassment and arousal. It was ridiculous how easy he was, how quickly his feelings overwhelmed him. Bucky had promised himself to get to know Steve better, and even the slightest touch was enough for his mind to think about sex. Fuck, he desperately needed to get laid. “Can you repeat the question?”

“He asked how you were doing.” Peter answered instead, amusement filling his voice. Bucky had almost forgotten that the little shit had planned all this.

He had to clear his throat before he answered. “Peachy. A little cramped in here, don’t you think?”

Steve chuckled deeply and the sound vibrated through Bucky’s body. Shit, how's he gonna survive that for two whole hours? His body was already tense, every cell waiting for Steve’s touch, and even though he tried his best, he couldn’t stop the images that his mind came up with. Steve grabbing him by his neck, forcing him to submit. Steve turning him around, his hard cock pressed against his crack. Steve bending him over and burying his length in Bucky’s hole. A soft moan slipped past his lips and he hoped nobody had heard the sound.

Thankfully, Tony started to bubble after a few minutes and Bucky could concentrate on his words. The awareness of the man next to him didn’t diminish, but he could at least control the reaction of his body. Getting a boner in a car full of his friends would be rather painful, especially since it was caused by the man next to him, whom he didn’t really get to know yet.

He couldn’t say the ride was fun because he was on edge the whole time, but it became bearable once Tony and Peter started to chat. Bucky didn’t need to do more than listen, and he was actually interested when they talked about their work at Stark Industries. It quickly became clear that Peter could keep up with the billionaire's intellect, and in most cases Bucky found himself not understanding anything.

Steve, on the other hand, remained as quiet as Bucky. He was listening, sure, sometimes making affirmative noises, but didn’t participate in the conversation at all. Bucky could feel how tense the author was, could feel that the muscular body was stiff as a board during the whole ride.

He was relieved when they finally arrived and he couldn’t jump out of the car fast enough. Sitting in the car had been a nightmare. Being pressed against Steve didn’t feel bad, on the contrary, it had felt too good. Bucky was afraid of what he would have done if the ride had lasted much longer, the desire to crawl on Steve’s lap almost overwhelming. Fuck, he had to set his mind straight.

Luckily, Sam, Nat and Peggy had already arrived and he could focus on other things. “Bucky!” Sam and Nat hugged him while Peggy reached out her hand.

“Hey, I’m Peggy.” She introduced herself and Bucky shook her hand with a smile. Peggy was stunning, shiny brown hair, a beautiful face and deep red lipstick. He would definitely hit on her if he had liked women. _Still, not as handsome as Steve,_ his traitor brain told him, and Bucky almost rolled his eyes. Couldn't he think of something else for a second? Please?

“Come on, let me show you the house.” Peter grabbed his hand and dragged Bucky behind him, leading him to the house. Bucky was relieved to escape Steve’s presence and he gladly focused on something else.

The house was ridiculously large and should better be called a villa. Bucky had never seen so many bedrooms in one building, except in hotels of course. The kitchen was huge, the yard even bigger and each bedroom had its own bathroom which was equipped with a shower _and_ a bathtub. Bucky’s room was bigger than his whole apartment and he even had a four-poster bed. He wasn’t quite sure whether he enjoyed the luxury or whether it made him feel uncomfortable.

Peter had already curled up on Bucky’s bed, his legs dangling down from the edge. He was rummaging around in Bucky’s bag, pulling out panty after panty. Bucky couldn’t stop the blush and realized that Peter had packed enough underwear for two weeks.

“You need more if you dirty them up.” He explained and Bucky wanted nothing more than to hide under his blanket, but unfortunately, Peter was lying on top of it.

“Why don’t you go over to your room and bother your boyfriend?” Bucky whined, unwilling to discuss his underwear collection.

Peter punished him with an innocent gaze. “Not a good idea. I still want to be able to sit during dinner.” This time, Bucky wasn’t even embarrassed anymore and laughed instead. He was slowly getting used to sexual innuendoes. “Besides, it’s much more interesting to talk about your relationship with Steve.”

Bucky groaned loudly, thinking about murdering the little shit again. “There is no relationship between Steve and me.”

“Not yet.” Peter chirped. “But do you think I am dense? Do you think I didn’t notice the tension during the car ride?”

Oh god, Bucky had decided to ignore the things that had happened in the car, pretending his body hadn’t betrayed him, but of course Peter wasn’t playing along. The little shit knew no boundaries.

“Look, Pete. Don’t you think it’s a little early to set us up? I hated him just a week ago.” Surely, he must see reason, right?

Apparently not. “Oh no. Please, it’s already water under the bridge. You think he’s hot and he thinks you’re hot. Super easy, isn’t it?” Wait, Steve had told Peter that he was hot?

Bucky tried to argue. “That’s not enough. Maybe we won’t get along.”

“Not getting along?” Peter asked in his don’t-mock-me voice and raised his eyebrows. “You literally have the same hobbies, you’re interested in literature, your sexual preferences match, and the sexual tension between you two goes overboard. What could be a catch?”

Everything, Bucky wanted to scream at him, but he stayed silent. If there was one thing that he had learned in his life, it was not to trust too quickly. Chemistry was good, matching interests too, but trust was the most important thing and shouldn’t be given too easily. He groaned, there was no reasoning with Peter. He should probably just nod and let it go, wait until the little shit lost interest.

Luckily, Sam saved him a second later when he entered the room. “Tony wants to go to a little restaurant in town. Do you want to come with us?”

“Sure.” Peter replied as he jumped from the bed and some panties he had pulled out of the bag fell to the floor. Sam stared at Bucky, his eyebrows raised in question and Bucky felt the familiar blush in his cheeks. Fuck, this was uncomfortable. At least it was his best friend who came to ask.

“Umm, I‘m gonna have to pass.” Bucky decided and sat down on his bed. “I don’t feel like going out today.” And he wanted a break from Peter’s teasing.

Sam gave him a concerned look. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah.” Bucky answered and he really was. He just needed some time for himself, away from his friends who were wonderful but exhausting, too.

“Your loss.” Peter sing-songed as he left the room with Sam.

Bucky took a deep breath when his friends were finally gone and his door fell close behind them. He felt a little tired, drained even, and thought about taking a quick nap. Peter was a menace, insightful and amazing on a good day and a little shit on a bad one. Bucky was still wondering if he wanted to strangle the little shit or just cuddle him to death. 

Lying on his bed, Bucky fumbled for his bag, searching for some clothes to make himself a little comfier. He rummaged around in his bag, pulling out all the pants and shirts until slowly the realization started to dawn. Oh god, Peter had not only left his favorite joggers at home, he had put back _all of them_ , and now only the newly bought sleep shorts were left. He was going to die.

Bucky put on the shorts skeptically, the fabric barely covering his ass. They were cream-colored, matching the panties and hugged his ass as if they were tailored for him. He had to admit that they look good, but he still preferred his joggers. Well, he didn’t have any alternatives, so it’ll be the shorts by now. He could still change back into his jeans if he would leave the room.

Unfortunately, this was the time when a soft knock tore him away from his thoughts and the door was opened without waiting for an answer.

“Bucky, are you there?” Steve was standing in the doorway, looking even better than usual, dressed in black joggers and his familiar tight shirt. Fuck, Bucky didn’t know whether he wanted to jump his bones or steal the joggers for himself.

He could pinpoint the exact moment Steve’s gaze fell on the sleep shorts because the author’s gaze darkened, fixed on the tiny shred of fabric. Bucky could almost feel the stare on his skin, the piercing gaze made his body tingle and he couldn’t deny that he liked Steve staring at his ass. A bit self-conscious, Bucky pulled the fabric down, trying to cover himself up a little more, but he didn’t make a difference. He gave up with a sigh, accepting that he would show a lot of skin in the next few days.

Steve was still silent, ogling Bucky and his hands ran through the blond hair. It looked like a mess, as if Steve had just crawled out of bed and immediately, Bucky’s traitor mind supplied him with images of himself, messing up the man’s hair while he was bouncing on his lap. He wouldn’t survive the weekend, that was for sure.

“Umm.” Steve cleared his throat, his voice wavering and his posture straightened. He calmed down, regained control of the situation and Bucky was even more gone on the man. Once again, he had to fight the urge to get down on his knees, to offer his body to the author. “I've come to ask you if you'd like to cook with me. The others have already left, and I thought we could make us something to eat.”

“Sure.” Bucky answered, his voice a little hoarse. “What are you thinking about?”

“A curry, maybe?” Steve suggested. “I opened in the fridge. It’s basically stocked with everything, so we can just look what we’re gonna find.”

“Sounds good.” Bucky agreed and followed Steve out of the door. He thought about changing for a second, but it was too late now anyway. The author had already seen the ridiculous shorts.

They entered the kitchen together, a huge open space with everything a cook could only dream of. Bucky saw a food processor, Santoku knives and even a bread machine. Who in this house needed a bread machine? The equipment was nice but in return, it took Steve ten minutes to find a simple chopping board. At least the ingredients were easy to find.

“Why didn’t you tag along with the others?” Bucky asked as he cut peppers into small stripes. He stood with his back to Steve, trying to focus on the knife in his hand because he was good at slipping and cutting himself. Sometimes he wondered why he was even allowed in the kitchen.

Steve shrugged and started to prepare the ingredients as well. “Didn’t feel like it, I guess. I had an idea for my new book and had to write it down right away.”

Bucky pricked up his ears. He was very interested in Steve’s new book and could hardly wait until he could finally read it. Catching a glimpse of the plot made him feel giddy with excitement. “Are you allowed to tell me about it?”

Steve laughed, a deep guttural sound, and Bucky shivered slightly. “Technically, I am not until it’s published, but I can give you a little detail.”

Bucky’s eyes sparkled and he almost slipped with the knife. “Please.” The word was almost a plea and Steve let out a tiny growl.

"The main character loses his mother at first and has been an orphan ever since." 

Although the detail was barely a hint, Bucky’s mind was running, spinning possible scenarios Steve might write about. He didn’t want to know the entire plot, but Steve’s comment was stirring the anticipation. Bucky was a sucker for good books, especially when they are written by his favorite author.

“When will you publish it?” Bucky was practically whining, unable to wait much longer and Steve roared with laughter.

“Probably next April. Peggy is still negotiating the details with the publisher, but I’m optimistic it will work out.”

“That’s so long.” The excitement was tempered a little by disappointment. He had been hoping to read it this year and it was still a long time until April.

“If you like, I can give you the manuscript once it’s finished. Just don’t tell Peggy.”

Bucky paused. The offer was unbelievable. He knew about manuscripts that had been leaked on the internet and knew how devastated authors could be about that. Letting him read the book before it was actually published was a huge symbol of trust and a hot feeling spread in his stomach. Bucky was so used to being careful around new people, that he was almost freaked out at the easily given trust.

That was, of course, the moment when he didn’t pay attention anymore and the knife slipped. Luckily, he pulled back his hand, avoiding to cut himself, but the peppers still fell down, scattering all over the kitchen floor.

“Shit.” Bucky cursed and dropped to his knees, trying to pick up the tiny pieces.

He didn’t notice that Steve had turned around, he didn’t notice the intense staring that was directed at him or the darkening eyes. He was busy picking the pepper off the floor.

He crawled closer to Steve, searching for the last stripes that had fallen under the kitchen counter, unconsciously raising his ass in the air. He arched his back and tried to reach the last pieces, his cheeks blushing deep red with embarrassment. That could only happen to him, only he would manage to scatter the pepper all over the floor.

Steve had taken a step forward, coming closer to him and he felt the leg of the author touching his backside as light as a feather. Suddenly, he was overly aware of Steve’s presence again, frozen in his position with his bottom raised in the air which was barely covered by the thin material of the sleep shorts.

“Are you trying to drive me crazy, Bucky?” Steve growled, his self-control lost due to Bucky’s little performance. “First you press yourself against me during the whole ride, then you wear nothing but tight little shorts. Shit Bucky, they don’t hide anything.” Steve’s voice dropped even lower and the words almost made him drool. “And now you’re crawling around, raising your plump little ass like you want to present for me, like you want me to take you here on the kitchen floor. Was it your goal to made me snap? Do you even know that the fabric slid up?”

Bucky whimpered, his cheeks turning even darker. No, he didn’t plan this and he didn’t know that the fabric slid up, but he was at a loss for words, his brain not working anymore. Arousal was floating his body and he felt himself hardening under Steve’s gaze. God, he wanted to spend his whole life at the feet of this gorgeous man.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t touch you after what happened last time. I just wanted to get to know you better, but you’re driving me crazy. Do you want me to take you? Do you want me to bend you over my knee, split you open on my cock, perhaps? Right here, where anyone could walk in?”

“Yes, _please_.” Bucky was too far gone to be embarrassed, all he could think about was the gorgeous man. How strong he was, how easily he could hold him down. Suddenly, Bucky felt the overwhelming wish to turn around and nuzzle his face in the other man’s crotch.

Steve moaned loudly, and Bucky whimpered again, trying to arch his back even further until he was presented in a perfect curve. His hands rested beside his head, the pepper was long forgotten under the kitchen counter.

“You can’t imagine the things I wanna do to you, Buck. How badly I wanna ravish you, pin you down so that you’re unable to move. I would take my time with you, fuck you good and proper until you’re cockstupid and the only thing you would feel is me entering your tight little hole. Would you love that? I promise you I would tell you the whole time what a good little slut you are.”

Bucky forgot everything and cried out, frantically moving his hips against the floor to get friction on his cock. The words were too much, Steve’s deep voice promising him filthy things made him forget all his shame and he could come like this, rubbing himself against the floor while the author told him what a good little slut he was. His control was slipping, and he was back in the blissed-out headspace again where nothing else mattered but the other man.

The anticipation was killing him. Steve didn’t touch, he didn’t move and sadly he also stopped talking. Bucky turned his head around, trying to figure out what was wrong.

Steve stood behind him, his face twisted in his inner struggle between arousal and reason. Bucky could see the huge bulk that was tenting his trousers and he swallowed heavily, stunned by the heavy tension.

After some time had passed, Steve’s body suddenly relaxed and his expression was shifting towards guilt. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” Steve growled, his eyes moving towards Bucky’s face. He reached out for Bucky, gripping his hand and helping him up.

Bucky was still dazzled, his mind clouded by overwhelming feelings. “Steve.” He whimpered when he was pulled to his feet.

“Shit, Bucky.” The author answered, his voice strangled. “Don’t do this to me. We would regret it if we did this right now. Let’s just finish cooking, okay?”

Slowly, his mind began to clear and Bucky understood what they had done. Sure, he was ashamed, but the relief about Steve’s retrial outweighed the shame. He was glad that Steve had stopped them, glad that he didn’t have to regret anything in the morning. Nevertheless, he was a little afraid about how easy he was for this man.

“Thanks, Steve. For stopping.” Bucky was truly grateful for the author’s restraint.

Steve gave him a warm smile. “You’re welcome, Buck. It wouldn’t have been a good idea.”

Yes, he was right, but unlike his mind, his body didn’t agree with Steve. He was still painfully hard, his cock leaking into his panties and Bucky was afraid that a wet patch would form on his thin shorts. Steve’s cock was rock hard, too.

“Umm, let’s continue cooking in a few minutes?” Bucky suggested, trying his best not to touch his leaking cock. All he wanted right now was relief.

“Yes.” Steve agreed quickly, already half outside of the kitchen. “Let’s take a little break.”

When Bucky finally entered his room, he jumped into the shower. It took only a couple of strokes on his cock and a gentle tap on his hole until he drenched the shower curtain in white. Steve’s presence was killing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now that the fun stuff is going to start, I’ll add more tags. I thought about including Daddy Kink in the fic, but I want to talk about it first. I’m not sure yet, so feel free to tell me your thoughts about that. Hope, you'll like the filth that is going to come.
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed the story. Please leave kudos and comment <3


	7. Chapter 7

After Steve and Bucky had taken a few moments to themselves, they met back in the kitchen to finish cooking. Bucky had thought it might be weird because they both knew they had masturbated a few minutes ago but surprisingly, Steve was in an even better mood. They spend the time talking about everything and Bucky enjoyed the company, especially after they had let off some steam. He liked spending time with Steve, but the sexual tension got in their way more often than not, and now, he could truly focus on Steve and what the author was telling.

Cooking didn’t take much more time since most of the ingredients were already chopped and half an hour later, Bucky and Steve were sitting at the kitchen table eating their curry. They were both mediocre cooks, so the food was quite nice. Although the whole pepper incident had been a bit embarrassing, Bucky was still glad he didn’t tag along with the others. Spending time with Steve had actually been pleasant.

Just as Bucky was putting their plates in the dishwasher, their friends returned from the restaurant, laughing and chatting in the hallway.

“Bucky, how have you been?” Peter asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Bucky made the vague assumption that the little shit somehow knew what had happened. Had Tony installed cameras in the house? Oh please, not.

“Right as rain.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. He was still pissed that Peter was constantly trying to play matchmaker, but as always, Peter didn’t care about his snappy attitude and grinned broadly.

“We wanted to watch a movie together. You’re in?” Tony asked, oblivious to the silent battle between his boyfriend and Bucky.

“Sure.” Steve and Bucky answered in unison and Bucky had to suppress a smile. He really liked Steve and he didn’t want to lose it because Peter was pushing too hard. It was actually the first time after Brock that he felt comfortable in the presence of another man who was not just a friend.

“Let me just get some snacks.” Bucky offered while the rest of the group made themselves comfortable in the living room in front of the biggest TV Bucky had ever seen. Bucky wondered for a second why Tony hadn’t bought himself a cinema yet.

He opened some cupboards, looking for chips and chocolate he remembered seeing during their search for a chopping board. He pulled out bowls, filling them to the brim with chips and carrying them back to the living room.

Nat was already with him when he entered the room, grabbing the sweets as if she hadn’t eaten in a restaurant an hour ago. It was a picture so familiar that Bucky smiled. He felt comfortable, surrounded by his friends and he was glad he hadn’t canceled the weekend trip after the misunderstanding with Steve.

This time, he had no excuse why he chose the free seat on the couch between Sam and Steve. He could have chosen the empty armchair right next to the TV or sat down on the other side of Sam, but he still settled next to Steve without Peter pressuring him to do so. Of course, the little shit noticed that and punished him with knowing grins throughout the entire movie.

They were watching a shitty cartoon that Bucky had seen a million times before and his attention slipped. He started to relax, pulling his bare legs up to his chest and rested his head comfortably on his knees. Steve was sitting next to him, and although they didn’t touch, Bucky could still feel his warmth. He felt save, a feeling he hadn’t had much of since he had met Brock.

Eventually, Steve shifted, spreading his legs to be more comfortable and Bucky couldn’t stop his gaze from wandering to the man’s crotch. He could see a bulge in his pants, even though the author was still soft, and he swallowed, remembering what it felt like to sit on his lap. Steve’s knee bumped slightly against Bucky’s leg, but he didn’t seem to notice, fully focused on the TV.

Bucky was struggling. He wanted to slump against the author’s side, wanted to rest his head on the broad shoulder, and press his nose against Steve’s neck. At this moment, it wasn’t even sexual anymore, he just wanted to be close, to feel protected. A look to his right confirmed that Peter was sitting halfway on Tony’s lap, the billionaire’s arms wrapped around his middle and Bucky immediately knew that he wanted the same with Steve.

Yes, their start had been difficult, and Bucky had spent more time than not being angry with the author, but he wanted to let go of the past. He moved cautiously, trying to pretend that it was an accident when he touched Steve's side. 

He had expected a small smile, maybe even an excuse, but he hadn’t expected Steve to reach for him, pulling him against his chest and wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist. He sat halfway up Steve's thigh, his whole body overly aware of the man at his side.

“Is this okay?” Steve asked softly, while Bucky’s mind was clouded by the author’s smell. The heat of Steve’s body was burning through their clothes and Bucky cuddled closer, savoring the contact that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Mhh.” He agreed, his head falling back until it rested on Steve’s shoulder. His throat was exposed, and Steve growled softly, a deep sound that vibrated through Bucky’s body. It was nice being so close to the other man, to bath in his scent and warmth.

He looked at Peter again and saw a soft smile on his face. He winked at Bucky, subtly giving him a thumbs up until he finally looked away, pressing his face against Tony’s chest.

The longer the movie lasted, the more Bucky relaxed. At first, he had been overly aware that Steve’s body had been pressed against his, muscles tense from the unfamiliar feeling, but soon they both started to relax, and Steve pulled him even closer. Bucky didn’t move, not even as one of his legs started to prickle, afraid that Steve would let him go. His mind became quiet, his body buzzing with endorphins and he didn’t think anymore, a state he usually only reached during sex. He missed the whole movie, his focus solely on the author.

Unfortunately, the movie was over too soon, but Steve wouldn’t let him go afterward. Sam and Nat were watching them suspiciously, thankfully without a comment, and Bucky didn’t find the energy to free himself from the hug. It felt so good to be held by the strong arms that he wanted to sit here forever. And Steve didn’t seem to let go of him either.

One by one, his friends left the room. Tony and Peter had already started making out on the couch and Bucky was relieved when they finally left. As much as he liked them, he really didn’t need a seat in the front row when Peter got his little ass spanked, thank you very much and Tony seemed like he could barely hold back from bending Peter over. Maybe in a little while, when he would be more comfortable with his preferences, he might actually enjoy watching these two.

Clint and Sam left together a few minutes later, planning to watch a baseball game on the TV in Sam’s room and Nat tagged along so that only Steve and Bucky were left.

It was quiet first, none of them willing to move, afraid they would ruin the mood. Instead, Steve’s grip tightened, and Bucky had to suppress a shiver. The hug was still innocent, but the possibility of Steve holding him down, fixating him on his cock with his strong arms was enough to make him hard. Again. He didn’t move, praying Steve wouldn’t notice how easy he was for him.

Finally, Steve broke the silence. “Can I take you on a date tomorrow?” 

Bucky paused, his brain taking a second to process the question. He knew Steve found him attractive, and he couldn’t deny the tension between, but he hadn’t seriously considered being asked this question so soon. His hesitation was coming from Brock, all the doubts of not being good enough, as a partner and in bed. Bucky couldn’t turn off the feelings from one day to the next, but he could make the decision to take a step forward.

“Yes.” He said sincerely, allowing the happiness to bubble in his chest. He felt giddy, like a young child at Christmas and for once, he stopped questioning his life choices. He wanted nothing more than to go out with the author.

Bucky couldn’t see Steve’s face until the author decided to turn him around. He didn’t quite sit on Steve’s lap, not like when they had first met, but with his weight on one of Steve’s thighs, he was still close enough to be blinded by the huge smile on Steve’s face.

“That’s great.” Steve grinned. “Tony has planned to take a trip to the city with the others tomorrow afternoon. We can skip and I’ll take you out?”

“Sounds great.” Bucky agreed, smiling like a madman, too. He was excited to see what Steve had planned and could barely hold back from pestering the author with questions about what he had planned.

They didn’t move, grinning at each other like crazy, both occupied with their feelings. It didn’t take long for the atmosphere to change and Bucky felt the giddiness fading, being replaced by the familiar hunger. He was so close to Steve, their faces mere inches apart and he wanted nothing more than to close the gap. Yet none of them made an attempt to move.

“Can I kiss you?” Steve finally asked. Apparently, he had learned from their first encounter and wanted to make sure Bucky was on board. He pulled Bucky closer until he was straddling Steve properly, his thighs on either side of Steve’s.

Bucky didn’t even hesitate with his answer. “Yes.” His reply was nothing more than a whisper and eventually, their lips met.

He could remember what kissing Steve felt like. It was desire and the underlying urge to submit, to let Steve take control, but he couldn’t remember the tenderness Bucky was feeling now. The kiss began light and chaste, barely a touch of their lips, until it was turning hungrier, deeper. Steve forced his mouth open with his tongue, gripping his chin with a hand so he couldn’t move away.

It was almost too much. Bucky shivered, opening his mouth and allowing Steve to enter. His body tingled every time Steve’s tongue touched his, every time Steve’s teeth pulled at his bottom lip and Bucky didn’t even notice that he had moved closer, grinding his half-hard cock against Steve’s. Their kisses keep changing. Sometimes, Steve was consuming him, taking his mouth as if he owned him, and then their lips were barely touching.

Steve was whispering filthy words against his lips, how good Bucky was for him, what a sweet boy and Bucky sucked them up like a starving man. He was weak for praise and being told by Steve how good he was made him grind his hips even harder against the other man.

After what felt like hours, Steve was pulling back, leaving Bucky whimpering and helpless on his lap. Bucky tried to calm down, trying not to appear too needy, but he squirmed on Steve’s lap, unconsciously arching in his touches.

“God, Bucky. You’ll be the death of me.” Steve growled in his ears, his free hand wandering lower until it was grabbing his ass. “I want to take you to my room now, force you to your knees, and spank that little ass while your lips are stretched around my cock. How does it sound?”

“Please.” Bucky whimpered, shifting, trying to get closer. He couldn't remember anymore why they wanted to wait, he craved to be fucked by the author right now.

Steve made a distressed noise but stood firm, squeezing his ass one last time before he let go. “If things go well tomorrow, we can take another step. Let’s just not do anything rush today, okay?”

Bucky grumbled but nodded, again succumbing to Steve’s reason. It would be a bad idea to take things further now, especially since they were still in the living room.

They didn’t move, sitting close together and waiting for the arousal to subside. Bucky wasn’t sure if being close to Steve was helpful, but he wasn’t ready to move either, so he just relaxed against the author’s chest. He felt good, soothing even, although his hard cock was pulsing in his pants.

“We should go to bed.” Steve said after a few minutes, without making any attempts to let Bucky go.

“You’re right.” Bucky agreed, but he didn’t move either. He didn’t want to leave, though it was getting late, it was probably the smartest thing to do. He was content here, inhaling Steve’s scent and trying to ignore their erections. He snuggled closer to the author, his still hard cock touching Steve’s and the author hissed. Bucky whimpered in response, his hips starting to move against his will.

“Bucky.” Steve said raspy, a hint of command in his voice. “Let’s get up or I will ravish you here in the living room.”

And where was the problem with that? But even though he didn’t want to, Bucky saw reason and freed himself from Steve’s grip. He stood up and stretched, his legs stiff from sitting still during the entire movie. He was overly aware of the hard bulge in his trousers.

“Good night, Buck.” Steve said reluctantly, pressing his lips lightly against Bucky’s forehead. His arms were wrapped around Bucky’s hips, but he wasn’t touching his ass anymore. The hug would have felt almost innocent if their arousal wasn’t so clearly on display.

“Good night, Steve.” Bucky answered, pressing himself a last time against the other man before he withdrew. “See you tomorrow.”

He didn’t look back when he left the living room, afraid he would cave and jump the author. The attraction between them was heavy and Bucky cursed it more often than not, but it was still flattering that he had such an effect on Steve. He had never been enough for Brock, but maybe he could be enough for Steve.

He went upstairs to his room and thought a brief second about masturbation again. However, the arousal was manageable, so he decided against it. The pleasant tingle in his body was actually appreciated, reminding him of how different it had been with Steve.

He couldn’t sleep immediately because his thoughts were still spiraling around the next day. What if everything would go wrong? What if it wouldn’t work out between them? Still, the fear wasn’t as big as it had been before. Brock had been exciting, someone new, and the best opportunity to explore his preferences, but Steve was actually a nice guy. Hopefully. He comforted himself with the thought that it couldn’t get any worse, and even if it would, Bucky had changed. He would be able to say no now.

It was nearly two hours later when his brain finally shut up and he drifted to sleep.

~

The first thing Bucky did the next morning was walking to the kitchen, still dressed in the horrible shorts and a black band tee that covered more than the pants themselves. He looked like a zombie, his eyes half-closed and his hair disheveled as he took a cup and tried out the fancy coffee machine.

As soon as he took the first sip from the hot drink, the fog in his mind cleared and his surroundings became clear. Once again, Bucky realized how caffeine-addicted he probably was.

Luckily, he was the first to be awake, enjoying the silence of the morning while he was drinking his coffee. It took nearly twenty minutes until his brain was fully functioning again and his thoughts began to spin.

Today was the day. He would have a date with Steve, the first one after Brock, and it would be a lie to say he wasn't scared. Steve hadn't told him where he would take Bucky, only that he wanted to spend the evening with him. He started to overthink, imagining all possible scenarios that could happen, until his best friend tore him from his thoughts.

"Of course, I would find you in the kitchen next to the coffee machine." Sam sneered. "You two became acquainted with each other yet?“

“Leave her alone." Bucky scoffed. "She is the best friend I have in this house."

"I'm wounded." Sam whined theatrically and put his hand on his chest like he’d been shot. "I thought it would be you and me till the end of the line, pal."

"Well, guess it's me and her now." Bucky commented snidely, trying his best not to smile.

Sam roared with laughter and patted him on the back, taking his almost empty cup and fetching him a new coffee. Maybe, Bucky had to give him the title of being his best friend back. He was bribed with coffee.

Sam sat down next to him, putting two pieces of sugar into his own coffee and Bucky shuddered. He would never understand why Sam liked it so disgustingly sweet.

“Tell me, Buck.” Sam started a conversation. “What was that with lover boy yesterday.”

Bucky couldn’t stop the blush that was spreading across his face. “Nothing.”

Sam raised his eyebrows and Bucky knew he wouldn’t believe him. “Didn’t look like nothing, pal. You were practically sitting in his lap.”

“I wasn’t sitting in his lap.” Bucky claimed outraged. At least not until the others had left the living room. Sam didn’t answer, just looked at him like he was stupid until Bucky caved. “Fine, Steve and I might have come a little closer. Peter pushed us though.”

Sam’s playful smile became sincere and squeezed Bucky’s shoulder gently. “I’m glad you’re giving it a shot. It will be good for you to open up after the whole disaster with Brock. Is he treating you well?”

Bucky nodded enthusiastically. If Steve did one thing that would be treating him well after the shock of their first encounter had passed. “He’s waiting for me, Sam, though he had plenty of opportunities to push. I would have been willing, but he waited. Said, he didn’t want to start anything before he’d taken me out. We’re going on a date tomorrow.”

Sam squeaked like a little girl and Bucky snorted in response. His best friend was a douche. He would never tease Sam with dating Riley. Not Bucky! He was a good best friend. Mostly.

“Do you know where he’s going to take you?”

Sadly, he didn’t. “No, he didn’t tell me. It’s going to be a surprise.” Bucky tried not to make a face. He hated surprises and Sam knew that damn well. Of course, the traitor started laughing immediately and Bucky had to remind himself who had brought him the second coffee, or he would have exchanged his best friend for someone useful. The coffee machine, maybe.

They sat there in silence, each of them enjoying their morning coffee. Their lives had changed quite a bit over the past months, from Bucky falling to pieces during his relationship with Brock, to opening up to another man, and from Sam pinning over his crush to actually dating him.

“Talk to him, Bucky.” Sam suddenly said, without looking him in the eyes. “I know you’ve told me only a fraction of what really happened. You don’t have to do it right away, but don’t keep it to yourself either, or it won’t work out.”

Bucky took a minute to answer, thinking about what Sam had said. He knew it was important to talk to Steve about everything Brock had or hadn’t done to him in bed, or a situation might trigger the old feelings. He already trusted that Steve would stop as soon as Bucky would tell him to, but some problems might be avoidable.

“I will.” He promised Sam. “I’ve already told him a little bit, he knows that my last relationship was horrible, but I’ll tell him the details eventually.”

Sam smiled and reached for his hand to squeeze it once. “I’m proud of you, Buck.”

It was nice to hear those words, and Bucky wondered why he’d kept the truth from Sam all these months. He was a good friend and Bucky was lucky to call him his best friend.

“God, we’re so sappy. I’m getting sick.” He joked and stood up to fetch himself a third cup of coffee. He wanted to sit here and talk to Sam a little longer. Maybe he would even hear more stories about the dates with Riley.

“Only because of you, Buckaroo.” Sam teased and smirked at him.

The heavy atmosphere shifted to something more lightly and Bucky even forgot the upcoming date for a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I would love it if you would leave a comment and kudos <3
> 
> I’m struggling with the fic a little. It’s in this weird transition phase between the beginning (that I’ve planned thoroughly) and the porn and the proceedings in the end. I don’t want things to happen too fast bc Bucky is obviously not ready to jump in a full trust relationship immediately, but I also don’t want to drag it on forever bc yes, Bucky didn’t have a good relationship but he isn’t so traumatized that he needs years to process everything. Hopefully, you enjoy the fic anyway and I’m dying to get to the porn (which is easier and more fun to write for me xD). Sorry, for bugging you with this. <3


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky spent an hour getting ready before the date, just staring at his bag most of the time and thinking about what clothes he wanted to wear. Peter had thrown out almost everything he had packed, and Bucky could swear he saw some new pieces that he hadn’t owned before. He wasn’t even confused anymore, slowly getting used to the invasive nature of Peter Parker.

Finally, he decided on a beige cashmere sweater that had magically appeared in his bag and soft black pants. Usually, he would pair it with comfortable black boxers, but since he could only choose from a massive pile of lingerie, he picked the dark green ones that looked especially soft.

Bucky got more and more nervous the closer his friends got to leaving and when he was finally alone with Steve in the house, he could feel that his heart had speed up. He wanted the evening to be perfect, he wanted to have someone good in his life, and Steve could definitely be his special person.

The author picked him up from his room, looking gorgeous and carrying a small picnic basket in his hand. Bucky was stunned by the vision; Steve Rogers was smiling at him like he was the most important person on the planet, and the thought made his stomach flutter.

“Hey, Buck.” His voice was deep and soft like honey, and Bucky thought for a moment about skipping the date and just dragging him to bed. But no. He had been looking forward all day to getting to know the writer better, and he wouldn’t pass up the opportunity now just because the primitive part of his brain was telling him to jump the man.

“Where are we going?” Bucky asked curiously, staring at the basket in Steve’s hand.

Steve chuckled. “I wanted to take you somewhere where we could both have fun, something personal, maybe something with books. But there aren’t many opportunities out here in the middle of nowhere, so I thought everyone might like a picnic?”

Bucky blushed, pleased that Steve had been worried about finding the perfect place for their date. Sure, he would love to go someplace with books, but spending the evening outside with Steve sounded great too.

“Let’s go,” Bucky said enthusiastically and grabbed his coat, putting it on over the soft sweater. He felt good, pretty even, and he closed the door to his room behind them and followed Steve.

The author led Bucky to a small path that started at the end of the property. It was already getting dark, so he had packed a small flashlight just in case, and together they walked into the forest behind the house.

“May I take your hand?” Steve asked like a gentleman and Bucky nodded, not trusting his voice to work properly. Yes, he wanted Steve to do that, wanted to feel close to the other man.

As soon as the author took his hand, Bucky relaxed, savoring the warmth that was spreading through his fingers. It made him happy to feel the other man like this, an innocent gesture that showed that Bucky wasn’t just a friend.

“Actually, I love walking through the woods at night,” Steve confessed, while he clutched Bucky’s hand a little tighter. “My father used to take me there after dark. He said it was important for me to connect with nature.”

Bucky smiled softly at him and squeezed the author’s hand slightly. “That’s nice, Stevie.” Telling him the little parts of Steve’s life, made Bucky incredibly happy. Brock had never done that. Sure, he had always talked about the importance of his job or the latest clothes he had bought, but he had never told Bucky anything meaningful. Steve, on the other hand, wore his heart on his sleeves, giving Bucky the change to really get to know him and the thought warmed him up inside.

Somehow, Bucky wanted to give Steve something in return. “I don’t like nature as much as I used to as a kid.” His voice was shaking a little. “I was still young when my father died, and my Mom took me and my sister out of the city. We moved to the country and I didn’t like it there. It was hard being a homosexual.” He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. “Nature was no longer a haven; it was a symbol of my father’s death. It took years before I regained that feeling of freedom outside the city.”

Bucky lowered his gaze and stared at his feet, unable to look Steve in the eyes. It was a big step for him to open up like this, and he didn’t want to see pity on the author’s face. Steve, however, didn’t say anything, just pulled him closer to his side and wrapped an arm around his middle, showing him that he wasn’t alone. For a second, Bucky had to fight against the tears that were threatening to spill, gratefully leaning into the hug.

They continued their walk in silence, savoring the closeness to each other and listening to the sounds of the forest until suddenly Steve turned left. He pushed some branches away, making room for them to climb into the forest.

Surprisingly, Bucky was standing on a small clearing that was illuminated by moonlight. He swallowed, overwhelmed by a feeling of perfection, and he turned around to take a look at Steve, doubting if all this was real.

“Steve, that’s beautiful. How do you know about this.”

The author gave him a huge smile. “To be honest, I asked Tony where I could take you. He discovered it with Peter a few years ago.”

Bucky swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat again and couldn’t stop himself from hugging Steve and pressing his lips chaste against the author’s. “I love it, it’s beautiful.”

He could hear that Steve was purring in response, their lips muffled the sound and the author started to kiss him harder, hungrier. He pried Bucky’s mouth open with his tongue, entering him and dominating the kiss. Bucky felt his stomach fluttering, Steve was controlling him, devouring him and he started to arch with sudden want.

But the author pulled back, grinning amused and stroking with his thumb over his lips. “Bucky, sweetheart, you are beautiful.”

The pet name was doing things to him, his whole body was tingling, and he wanted to crawl inside of Steve, being protected by the other man forever.

Steve opened the picnic basket he brought with him, pulled out a huge ugly blanket and Bucky felt like a movie cliché. Everything was perfect, everything was _Steve_ , and he still couldn’t believe that he of all people was lucky enough to get a date with Steve Rogers.

“You have thought about everything, haven’t you?” Bucky teased and it made Steve laugh, a rich and deep sound that was warming Bucky’s insides.

“As a matter of fact, I have.” Steve winked and pulled a thermos out of the basket. “I know it’s already late, but I have seen you hanging around the coffee machine all week. I thought maybe you were already numb to the effects of caffeine.”

Bucky made heart eyes at Steve, his hands reaching for the steaming liquid. “Gimme, please.” He begged, biting his lip, and trying to convince the author to give him a cup.

He had expected laughter, maybe a sneaky remark, but he hadn’t expected the absolute hunger that was suddenly taking over Steve’s expression. “Don’t beg me for anything if you don’t want to lose your clothes.” Steve’s voice was several octaves lower, almost a growl, and the sound instantly went to Bucky’s cock.

He whimpered unintentionally, a high-pitched sound that slipped past his lips. “Daddy.” As soon as the word left his mouth, Bucky froze in horror. Fuck, what had he done? He broke out in cold sweat and closed his eyes, hoping he could take the word back, but the silence that followed showed him he couldn’t. Here he was, having his first real date after a year and he already managed to screw it up, not even after an hour. Bucky struggled to hold back the tears.

“Bucky.” Steve’s voice was tearing him from his thoughts, a hint of command in his voice that forced him to raise his head. He was afraid to look Steve in the face, but instead of the expected disgust, Bucky could see raw, barely contained lust.

“Bucky, come here,” Steve ordered, gesturing at his lap and Bucky was so relieved that he let out a small whimper. He hurried to obey, moving closer until he could crawl onto Steve’s lap. “I want you to say it again, sweetheart.” Steve’s voice was gentle, but it left no possibility for discussions.

“D-daddy,” Bucky whispered, his body buzzing with arousal from the command and felt how his mind started to cloud again. It was so easy just to give in, to let Steve take the lead. Everything he had to do was obey, taking everything his Daddy wanted to give him and all his doubts and insecurities didn’t matter.

He sat down on Steve’s lap, his legs on each side of Steve’s and the author spread his knees a little, forcing Bucky to open up. He was moaning softly, falling against the author’s chest like a rag doll.

“Fuck, Bucky,” Steve growled into his ear. “It’s over. I can’t wait any longer. Do you even know what you’re doing to me, sweetheart? Looking all soft and sweet in this cute little sweater; I want to do things to you, want to bend you over my knees, spank that cute little butt and split you open on my cock.”

“Yes, Daddy, please.” Bucky wasn’t ashamed anymore, the arousal brushing all concerns aside and he was ready for it, ready to go under for Steve.

Steve’s hands wandered to his back, softly caressing his skin until they wandered lower, slipping inside his pants and squeezing his ass. His pants had slipped down a little, revealing an inch of the lacy panties and Steve toyed with the waistband, letting it snap against Bucky’s skin.

Bucky couldn’t suppress a loud moan which was echoing through the forest. He felt good on the author’s lap, treasured, and cared for. The feelings were heady, taking him higher and higher and when Steve pushed his cheeks apart as far as it was possible in his pants, Bucky actually sobbed and pressed himself closer to the author. God, he wanted the author to stuff him with his fingers right now, wanted him to soothe the burning emptiness inside of him.

“So beautiful, baby.” Steve purred, his hands pressing Bucky closer to his muscled body. “Can I tie your hands behind your back, baby? Make you all helpless, ready for me to just take?”

Bucky whimpered, the thought of being at Steve’s mercy was making him tremble with arousal and he nodded violently. Steve beamed at him as if he had given him the greatest gift possible and fumbled for the basket, pulling out a simple black rope.

Bucky had gone too far to wonder if Steve had planned this or why he had brought a rope. Instead, he squeezed his wrists together behind his back and pleaded with his eyes for Steve to hurry.

“Fuck, sweetheart.” Steve was cursing, his eyes sparkled due to Bucky’s eager behavior. “You’re a vision, have I done to earn your trust back?”

“You’re perfect Daddy.” Bucky slurred, overwhelmed by the warm feeling that was spreading in his gut. He wanted to be taken apart by the man, wanted to be dominated and tied up. He was tired of making decisions on his own, relying on his Daddy to take over.

Steve purred again, patted Bucky on the back before his hands wandered lower, and he wrapped the rope around his wrists. It wasn’t too tight, a comfortable pressure, but Bucky couldn’t free himself, at the mercy of his Daddy’s touch. Immediately, his muscles relaxed and he fell into the feeling of being restrained.

“Baby, I need you to tell me your safe word again.” Steve insisted, his voice strained but serious.

Bucky blinked and tried to sort his thoughts, to pull himself out of the sweet space he was in. “Red for stop and yellow to slow down.”

“Good boy.” Steve praised him and Bucky preened, soaking up the attention like a touch-starved sponge. It was everything he had always dreamed about, sitting on the lap of this beautiful man, bathing in his attention, and doing everything the author wanted him to do.

“I won’t go very far today,” Steve announced, his thump stroking over his bound wrists. “We don’t know each other good enough to test your limits, hell, we haven't really talked about it before, but that’s typical for us. We jump in headfirst. That could be dangerous, baby.” Bucky nodded, he didn’t care right now as long as he got something, anything, from the author.

“Get up, Bucky. Let’s get you out of your pants.” Steve ordered, slightly smacking his ass to signal him he should hurry. Bucky stumbled, trying his best to get up with his hands tied behind his back, and Steve enjoyed watching him struggle for a minute before he grabbed his hips to stabilize him. Fingers were tightly squeezing his skin and Bucky whimpered softly, loved the feeling of being dependent on the author.

Steve unzipped his pants and pulled them down until Bucky was only wearing his panties and the cozy sweater. A deep growl rumbled in Steve’s chest, his eyes fixed on his lace-covered cock and he couldn’t stop the blush that spread across his face. The feeling of being desired was heady, riling him up until he was close to floating again.

“Baby, look at you. All dressed up for me. Do you want me to call you pretty? Because you are. Wrapped in lace for me like a present.”

“Daddy.” Bucky whimpered in distress when the author suddenly got up, leaving him where he was and walked over to the other side of the blanket. He sat down on a tree stump, his legs spread, and his gaze fixed on Bucky. “I want you to drop to your knees and crawl over to me.” Steve’s voice was dark with lust like a predator ready to lunge at his prey. “I want you to struggle, baby. Show me what you would do for Daddy.”

Bucky sobbed; big crocodile tears were running down his cheeks and he couldn’t move. Humiliation was freezing him, a powerful mixture of arousal and fear, and it was driving him insane. “Daddy.” His voice was full of pity, but Steve stood firm, watching him with piercing eyes until finally, Bucky was lowering himself onto his knees.

“That’s beautiful, sweetheart.” Steve praised and the compliment was making Bucky dizzy. “Come on, shoulders down, show me your pretty little ass.”

Bucky obeyed, lowering his chest to the floor, unable to catch his weight with his hands. His muscles were straining, and his legs were spread, trying to stabilize his body. Steve moaned; a clear sign that he liked the vision, liked that Bucky was at his mercy and Bucky arched his back unconsciously, raising his ass even higher.

“Look at you baby.” Steve cooed, his hands were wandering between his legs and he massaged the huge bulk. Bucky couldn’t stop to stare at the outlines of his cock, wanted to be the one who touched it, wanted to choke on the thick flesh, wanted to drool all over it, to be responsible for Steve’s pleasure.

“Crawl, baby.” Steve’s voice was turning stern, and Bucky trembled, hurrying to obey his Daddy.

It wasn’t easy. His hands were uselessly bound behind his back and his face was pressed against the blanket. He whimpered, slowly crawling closer inch by inch, and he could feel how his legs trembled, how his ass was wiggling with every step.

Steve growled, opening his pants, and pulling out his thick cock while his gaze was fixed on Bucky. The vision spurred him on, urging him to hurry up, to be a good boy. He wanted to suck on the beautiful cock, wanted to be used for Steve’s pleasure, and showered in his come. The last meter was torture, but Bucky forced himself to keep going, sweet humiliation clouding his mind.

“Such a good boy.” Steve praised, patting Bucky’s head as soon as he was kneeling between his legs. “Up you go. Present for me, baby, and open your mouth. I want you to swallow my come.”

_Fuck_. Bucky whined; he was in heaven. He knelt in front of Steve who was praising and humiliating him, and even let him swallow his come. Each second that passed made him needier, made it harder for him to be patient, but he obeyed, sitting back on his knees and opening his mouth. He has spread his legs to give Steve a good view of his lacy panties, and his back was arched exactly how Steve had ordered.

“God, baby, you’re killing me.” Steve started to lose control. His hand was stroking his cock, keeping it only inches away from Bucky’s face. The rhythm was hard, unyielding, like he couldn’t hold back much longer.

Bucky could feel himself creeping closer to the sweet space. The smell of Steve was amazing, fresh and musky, and drool was running down his chin, but he wouldn’t close his mouth, determined to be a good boy for his Daddy.

“I’m going to come,” Steve announced, his hand speeding up and Bucky could see the thick cock hardening even further. It was beautiful, an angry red, and for a second Bucky imagined what it would feel like to be spread open by Steve, forced to take the whole length.

The author came with a grunt, thick ropes of come splattered all over his face. Bucky could taste the salty fluid, could feel how some of the seed was running down his chin, dripping onto his chest and the thought of being marked, claimed by the other man, made him sob with need. 

Steve was savoring his orgasm, slowly stroking his cock until he had nothing left to give, and Bucky was basking in the attention. He felt wanted and claimed, so much more than he ever had with Brock. His own cock was pressing against his panties, the tip poking out of the waistband, but he was fixed on Steve’s pleasure. This beautiful man had come from looking at Bucky and the very thought of it made him bask in warmth.

“Baby, you’re hard?” Steve asked mockingly once he came down from his orgasm and Bucky nodded, not even offended by the amusement in his voice. “Do you wanna come?”

_Yes, yes, Daddy, please_. He wanted to come, wanted to ride on Steve’s cock, and come over and over again, but it wasn’t about him, it was about Steve. “I want what you want for me, Daddy.”

Steve growled; a feral possessive sound that was buzzing through Bucky’s body, making it sing with pleasure. “Fuck, baby. You’re perfect, I swear. So patient for your Daddy. Come closer, rub yourself against my leg.”

Bucky crawled even closer, eagerly sitting on Steve’s shoe while his panty-covered cock was pressed against the author’s leg. He could feel the tip on the shoe sliding between his cheeks, rubbing over his hole, and he fought the urge to rip the panties. The fabric was a barrier between them, stopping him from feeling his Daddy as close as possible, but it wasn’t for him to decide. He felt like a dog in heat, rubbing himself all over the other man, and the thought made his cock leak even more.

“Come on, baby.” Steve encouraged him, his hand patting his hair. “Be a good boy and ride my leg.”

Bucky couldn’t stop the high-pitched moan that was slipping from his lips and he started to rub himself against Steve frantically. Praise and humiliation were taking him higher and higher, and he couldn’t think anymore. There was no room for Brock, no room for shame or restraint. His whole world revolved around Steve at the moment, around the pleasure that was flooding his body and felt that his orgasm was coming closer.

His cock was leaking. His panties were probably ruined by now, soaked with precoma that was spilling everywhere. Each stroke left him more and more desperate, more and more willing to be Steve’s, and it was the first time in months that he wanted to be owned.

“Daddy, I’m so close. Can I, please?” Bucky was whining pitifully, begging for the approval of his Daddy. His eyes rolled back, and he fought the orgasm, struggling to keep it together until he got Steve’s permission.

“God, you are gorgeous, baby,” Steve growled. “Look at you, how shameless, how needy. You would do anything to get your Daddy’s cock, wouldn’t you? So beautiful with your hand tied behind your back, so dependent on me. What if I would step back, leave you alone, and hanging?”

The thought of being denied was too much and Bucky started to cry, big tears were running down his cheeks. He couldn’t stop, couldn’t wait, and he felt like dying if Steve left right now.

“Don’t worry, baby.” Steve cooed and lifted the tip of his shoe, adding pressure against his empty hole. “You can come, baby. Show me how easy you are for Daddy.”

The words were enough to push him over the cliff. Yes, he was easy for his Daddy, and knowing that Steve had figured him out and used the knowledge against him made the orgasm so much sweeter. He was trembling, his body rocked from pulse upon pulse of pleasure and his tied hands made it hard for him to keep his balance. Steve didn’t help, he was watching him struggle with a fond expression on his face and Bucky loved it, loved to struggle for his Daddy.

The sensations were on the verge of too much. He was trembling, threatened to break apart, but the comforting presence of Steve was grounding him. Bucky slumped against Steve’s leg, his eyes falling shut and he could no longer keep himself up. He was blissed out and didn’t even notice the mess in his panties.

“Baby, you were wonderful.” Steve’s voice was gentle, like liquid honey and he pulled Bucky up, draping him on his lap. He whispered sweet little things in his ear while he opened the ties, massaging Bucky’s wrists to help the blood flowing back into his hands. Bucky felt warm and fuzzy, a soothing sensation he hadn’t experienced in a long time. His mind was blissfully empty, and he couldn’t remember ever feeling better.

“Baby, let’s lay down for a minute.” Steve stood up, Bucky limp in his arms. He positioned them on the blanket, spooning behind Bucky and pressing him close to his chest. His legs were tangled with Bucky’s naked ones, trying to keep him warm and pressing the smaller one close against his chest.

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” Bucky slurred, out of his mind, and he wasn’t realizing what he was telling Steve. “I might even love you one day.” He was wrapped up in the warm embrace and the strong arms that kept him safe. The endorphins made him carefree and he wasn’t thinking about the consequences of his confession.

“Oh, baby.” Steve’s voice was filled with emotions. “I might love you one day, too Bucky.”

He grinned broadly, cuddling up closer and giving in to the sensation of feeling nothing but warmth and safety. Everything was going to be fine; he was sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you've enjoyed the chapter. Please leave kudos and a comment <3
> 
> I'm thinking about where I want to take the story. I have 2 possible endings. A longer and a shorter one. At the moment, I lean towards picking the shorter one (that would mean 2 more chaps). I'm definitely more invested in other projects at the moment, but I don't wanna leave the story unfinished. Choosing the longer end would mean irregular updates and given that I enjoy writing other things more, I will probably write two more chapters.
> 
> Thanks for reading all the time <3 I hope you liked the smut xD


	9. Chapter 9

Two months after the trip, Bucky was happier than he had ever been before. Being in a relationship with Steve turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to him. The author was attentive, a good listener, and one of the kindest people in the world. He cared about anyone and anything, helping old ladies across the street, trying to save every animal on the planet and he even lent an ear to people who just wanted to rant about their problems. He was a saint and showered Bucky in attention. 

However, once the bedroom door closed behind them, Steve changed. The patient and lovely man turned into a demanding and dominant lover, making Bucky work for his pleasure. It was amazing, everything Bucky had ever wanted and there was no day they could keep their hands from each other. Steve broke him apart only to put the pieces back together later, and he always talked about their sex first, making sure there would be no second misunderstanding. But regardless of Steve’s amazing personality, Bucky hadn’t told him everything about Brock. 

One day, Steve decided to keep his promise and he took Bucky out on a date both of them would enjoy. He pulled all his strings and managed to get the key to a small library in Brooklyn only a block away from his apartment. In the evening after it had already closed, Steve brought him there and they spend hours together, lounging in comfortable armchairs, kissing occasionally, and reciting quotes from their favorite books. Bucky had never felt so loved before, so cherished and sometimes he was afraid he would burst his happiness. He hadn’t even thought about his anxieties for a few weeks now. 

“You wanna stay the night, Buck?” They stood in front of Steve’s apartment and Bucky was pressed close against the other man’s chest. Strong arms were holding him, while Steve kissed him innocent and chaste. Bucky hadn’t stayed the night before, both of them had agreed to take their time with the relationship, but today felt like a good day to go a step further. 

“I would love to.” The smile Bucky earned as a reward could lighten up the entire street. 

It was the second time Bucky entered Steve’s house; they had only met at Bucky’s small apartment in the last few weeks. Immediately, he was hit with images about the day he had tried to interview the author, but he pushed them aside. Steve was a good man. Yes, he had made a mistake, but he wasn’t Brock, he wouldn’t use Bucky just for fun. 

“Can I offer you something, maybe coffee again?” Steve wiggled his eyebrows and Bucky couldn’t do anything but laugh. It was sweet that Steve knew him so well, and he relaxed a little, actually looking forward to the evening. 

Ten minutes later, they were sitting on the couch and watched a movie, Bucky with a coffee and Steve with a tea. Bucky was propped against Steve's chest, his legs pulled under him and he couldn’t concentrate on the movie, too caught up in the surrounding scent. Steve smelled so good that he could feel himself getting hard again and the finger that stroked and pulled his hair didn’t make it better. 

“Daddy?” After the first time the word had slipped out, Bucky had become more comfortable, calling Steve ‘Daddy’ whenever he wanted sex. It was like a code word, initiating a scene without directly talking about it. 

Steve’s hand had stopped stroking his hair and pulled it, not gentle but firm this time, a sign that he agreed with the change of situation. Bucky’s eyes rolled back when the light pain crept over his skull and he could feel how his body was burning up from the sensation.

“Do you remember what we talked about last Friday?” Steve’s voice was dark, a hint of hunger underneath, and a shiver ran down Bucky’s spine. Fuck, he could listen to the author every day, turned on, and ready to submit. 

“No?” Bucky couldn’t remember anything once Steve went all dominant on him, but the sparkle in the author’s eyes told him he would like what was coming. 

“Oh, baby. I’ve asked you if you wanted to get spanked and fucked afterward. Does that ring a bell?”

_Oh, yes, yes, yes._ He wanted that, wanted that so bad. “Daddy, please. I want that, please.” He was already begging, knowing that Steve loved it when he became desperate. 

Steve chuckled and pressed a quick kiss on Bucky’s forehead. “All right, baby boy. Up with you. I want you spread out naked on the sheets in the bedroom, first floor, second door on the left.”

With a huge smile on his face, Bucky jumped up and struggled not to run into Steve’s bedroom. He was so eager, eager to get spanked and fucked and dominated, eager to be near Steve. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing but obeying Steve and doing exactly what he wanted, so Bucky entered the bedroom without exploring the first floor. 

The bedroom was beautiful, painted in a warm beige, and filled with wooden furniture. In the middle was a huge four-poster bed, crafted out of wood and decorated with beautiful ornaments. Bucky could already see himself chained to the bedposts, his arms and legs spread, arching for Steve to fill him up. The images were turning him on and he hurried to get out of his clothes, unable to wait even a second longer. 

When his clothes were neatly piled on the floor and he was presenting on the bed, ass up of course, Steve was entering the room. Bucky couldn’t see him, could only hear his steps on the wooden floor and he was already trembling in anticipation. 

“Oh Bucky, look at you. Already so eager for me. Tell me, what do you want me to do to you?”

The words made him whimper in arousal, the command to speak it out loud humiliating and perfect. He felt so comfortable with Steve, trust was building with each passing day and Steve had never disappointed him. “Daddy, please, c-can you s-spank me? Please, I-I need it,” his voice was high-pitched and shaking, but he had said it and that was everything that mattered. 

Steve growled in response, a pleased and possessive sound, which vibrated through his body. Before Bucky could even move, Steve had jumped onto the bed, his back propped against the headboard while he manhandled Bucky until he was spread over his lap. Naked. While Steve was fully closed. The thought alone made Bucky whimper. 

He expected the first slap to come immediately, but Steve took him time, stroking his back and his ass until Bucky could warm up to the situation. Laying over the author’s lap felt good, his naked cock nestling against Steve’s trousers and leaking onto the fabric. He could feel one of Steve’s hand dipping between his cheeks, teasing his hole without breaching it and the feeling of being so vulnerable made him moan in pleasure. 

The first smack came unexpectedly. It wasn’t even particularly hard, but it made him jump and a loud cry slipped past his lips. The spreading pain was amazing, hot and burning, making his ass throb and his cock leak. He pressed himself against Steve, could feel the author’s cock growing and his hips started to move, rubbing himself all over the other man. 

“God, baby. You’re a slut for it aren’t you?” Bucky whimpered in agreement, arching his back to feel it again and again. 

Steve delivered. The next smacks were placed on the inside of his tights, one on the right and one on the left. It stung perfectly; bright hot pain mixed with overwhelming pleasure. He moaned like a whore, although Steve hadn’t even touched his cock, from a few slaps alone.

“If I had known that you’re such a slut for it, that you lose it so quickly, I might have bend you over sooner, baby. Look at you, three slaps in and your body is already begging for me.”

Bucky shuddered. Steve was right, he was arching for his hand, arching for his touch. His mind became blank while he was begging for more, begging for Steve’s hands all over his ass. Slap after slap was lightening him up, warming him from the inside and for a second, he wished he could take a look at his ass, probably deep red from the spanking. 

Steve didn’t stop and Bucky didn’t want him to. He spanked him over and over again until Bucky was sobbing with pain, sobbing with desire. Steve hit his tights, his ass, his lower back, fueling the fire inside of him more and more and Bucky couldn’t stand it any longer. He sobbed loudly; his hand wandered behind his back, pulling his cheeks apart and presenting his hole to Steve. 

“Oh, fuck, baby,” the author’s voice was hoarse, filled with arousal and longing. “Do you want me to hit you there, Buck? Will you go all sweet on me when I spank your needy little hole?”

“Green.” The thought of Steve touching him there, spanking him there, made him twitch in anticipation.

When the first blow finally landed against Bucky’s rim, he started to sob in earnest. The pain was immense, couldn’t be compared to the previous slaps, but at the same time, his cock was leaking and twitching. He fought to keep his grip on his cheeks, struggled to keep them spread for Steve. His whole body thrummed in arousal and for the first time, Bucky felt himself drifting away, sinking into the sweet space in the back of his mind. 

“Bucky, don’t go all sweet on me yet,” Steve’s voice was pulling him back, forcing him to come back to himself. “I want you to stay with me until I fuck you, want you to be able to tell me when something is wrong. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”

“Uh-huh.” He was too far gone to use coherent sentences, but he could try to obey. For Steve. 

“Three more slaps against your sweet little hole and then I’ll fuck you, all right, baby?” 

Bucky’s body was trembling while he nodded, fear and anticipation mixing until he was moaning again. The next time Steve’s hand smacked him between his cheeks was just as sweet and he could feel his hole clenching from the pain. It burned deliciously and Bucky couldn’t stop himself from sobbing Steve’s name, telling him how good he was, how perfect. 

The last two blows were torture, hitting him in quick succession, and taking him dangerously close to the edge. His hole had to be swollen and puffy by now, exactly how Steve liked it and the thought made him burn even more. He wanted this, wanted to please Steve, wanted to be perfect for him.

He was caught up in his feelings, didn’t even hear when Steve opened the lube bottle, but as soon as a wet finger touched his burning rim, Bucky moaned in pleasure. The sensation was amazing. It stung and hurt but was soothing at the same time. Bucky arched his back, trying to impale himself on Steve’s finger, which earned him a chuckle from the other man.

“Keep still, baby,” his voice was playful, but Bucky could still sense the command, so he forced himself to become pliant. One finger entered him, spreading him open for Steve’s cock. Bucky cried and whimpered, begging for more, but he didn’t move. He was a good boy, would obey Steve, even if it was driving him crazy. 

“So perfect for me,” Steve praised while he was thrusting his finger in and out of his body. “You are such a good boy, baby.” The words warmed him up, making him preen and smile contently. This was everything he craved, a strong man who forced him down, hurt him and humiliated him while he told Bucky how perfect he was. Steve was exactly what he needed.

Soon, one finger became two and the author was scissoring him, spreading him open for Steve’s cock. With each passing second, it became harder and harder to stay still and at one point, Bucky started to sob again from overstimulation. 

“Please, Daddy. Please, gimme another finger. I need it, I need your cock.”

Apparently, his words seemed to be right because Steve growled feral and pressed another finger beside the two, forcing his body to make room for what was going to come. It was too early, it hurt, and it was exactly what Bucky wanted. He was so desperate for Steve, for his cock, that he felt as if he would die without him. 

“On your back.” Steve’s patience was running thin as well. “Legs spread, pull your knees to your chest.”

_Finally._ Bucky scrambled to obey, jumping from Steve’s lap and doing exactly what he was supposed to. His legs trembled and his entire body was shaking, but it didn’t matter as long as he was getting fucked by Steve. He watched how the author was taking off his clothes, how his cock was hard and leaking between his legs. The view made him whimper and his hands wandered lower, spreading his cheeks to show Steve where he wanted him.

“You’re killing me, Bucky,” Steve groaned. “All spread out for me, all ready for me, waiting like a slut to get filled. Beg me, baby. Beg me to fill you up.”

“Yes!” Bucky didn’t even feel the humiliation anymore, too far gone to care about his appearance. “I’m yours, Daddy, your slut. Fuck me, split me open, fill me up.”

Finally, he could feel his Daddy’s tip against his hole, the pressure increasing until Steve was breaching him, pressing his length inside of Bucky. The stretch was intense, pleasure mixed with pain, and Bucky’s eyes rolled back, a soundless cry leaving his lips. He felt small and submissive, an amazing feeling he craved since he could remember. He needed this to stay focus, needed this to clear his head and since he was with Steve, it had been so much better.

Steve didn’t start slow, didn’t give him time to get used to the stretch. Instead, he split him open again and again, his thrusts hard and fast, assaulting his prostate with every stroke. Bucky could feel a hot burn every time Steve’s hips smacked against his ass, and he chased the feeling, lifting his hips to meet the thrusts halfway. 

“I wanna keep you here for a week. Chain you to the bed whenever I feel like it,” it sounded like a threat, but Bucky loved the thought, wanted to belong to Steve completely. He knew the author would respect his rights, wouldn’t go too far.

He could feel himself getting closer with each thrust. Every whispered word of his Daddy was taking him higher, his entire body buzzed in arousal. When Steve hit his sweet spot over and over again, Bucky cried out, feeling completely claimed and overwhelmed. “Daddy, please, may I come? Please?”

Steve grinned amused; his rhythm didn’t falter one bit. He enjoyed making Bucky struggle, enjoyed seeing him fight against the orgasm. Only when Bucky could stand it no longer, he speeded up his thrusts, put a hand around his cock, and gave him permission. 

Bucky could feel the orgasm in his entire body. He was twitching on the sheets, his hole milking his Daddy and he felt himself drifting away. He was coming all over the sheets, messing them up and ruining them forever, but he couldn’t care less. Steve didn’t stop moving, fueling the fire further until he was squirming in overstimulation. His hole hurt, his ass hurt, everything hurt, but it was so good that Bucky's vision blurred, the colors melting until they became one. As soon as his Daddy hit his sweet spot one more time, Bucky blacked out. 

He felt amazing when he came back to himself again, his body sore and his head empty. Steve was amazing, the best partner he had ever met and during the last few weeks, Bucky had finally accepted that he loved the author. His life was turning out to be better than it had ever been. 

Struggling to open his eyes, Bucky purred like a cat and reached out next to him, trying to snuggle closer to Steve. The sheets were a mess and he touched his own come that was smeared everywhere. He could feel Steve’s seed between his legs, dripping out of his hole and running down his thighs and it was amazing, making him feel claimed and loved. 

However, he couldn’t touch Steve. Although exhaustion was still filling his body, Bucky forced himself to open his eyes and look for the author. The room was bright, blinding him and he blinked to get used to the light. Once he had gotten back his vision, Bucky’s entire body froze. 

The bed was empty, the blanket pulled back and there was no Steve next to him. He lifted his gaze, trying to find the author in the room, but it was empty, the door closed how it had been before. 

Suddenly, Bucky felt cold. Memories were coming back, making him shiver and for the first time in weeks, he cried not in pleasure but in fear. Everything was how it always had turned out. Of course, the sex was amazing, fuck, he had even blacked out, but now he was alone. Again.

“Steve,” Bucky whispered still hoping Steve might jump out of the wardrobe, telling him everything was just a joke, but of course, nothing happened and the only noise in the room was his quiet sobbing. 

He hid under the blanket, pulling it over his head and wishing he could disappear. In his mind, he wasn’t in Steve’s bed anymore, not even in his house. He was in Brock’s, fear clawing at him, taking away every rational thought. He wanted to pass out again, wanted to be back where everything was dark and quiet, but instead, he was laying in this bed alone.

_‘You don’t deserve more,’ his brain was whispering to him. ‘Everyone is going to leave you.’_ Bucky didn’t want to believe this, but he couldn’t deny that Steve was gone and he was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My exams are done, the feeling is amazing :)
> 
> Thank you for reading, please leave kudos and comment.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I can't believe that it's done :o I hope, y'all liked the story and leave kudos and comments.
> 
> I actually planned the last chapter to be a little longer and add a 'two years later' skip, but I'm still not sure if I want to write an OS sequel, so I decided not to write about their future. That's why the chapter is a little shorter, but so far everything is said (I hope).
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading, I'm currently writing another Stucky fic. A OS with twink Steve and Daddy Bucky :)

_“Don’t make such a fuss, James. It was one time. One. Time,” Brock said bored. “I won’t even see him again.”_

_Bucky was equally angry and sad, wanted to continue blaming his boyfriend, but he held himself back at the last moment. He knew what would happen if Brock got mad, so he decided not to provoke him. Instead, he let out a pitiful whine. “Why?”_

_Brock scoffed, not a single bit touched from Bucky’s emotional outburst, his face cold and stiff. “I wanted to try spanking, but you didn’t want to. See, you almost forced me to look for someone else.”_

_Rationally, Bucky knew it wasn’t his fault, knew Brock was turning into an asshole, but every time doubts about their relationship rose, he pushed them into the back of his mind. He spent too many nights blaming himself, too many nights of wondering if he was prude, if he just wasn’t good enough._

_“I’m sorry, Brock.” He was pathetic. “I’m sorry, I didn’t consider your wish.” What had he turned into? “Please don’t leave me, I’ll think about it again. Maybe, I’ll even like spanking?” He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror anymore. The voice in the back of his head whispered that he would actually like it, that it was just Brock he was not trusting enough, but Bucky silenced her again._

_A patronizing grin spread on Brock’s face and suddenly, his entire body was screaming eagerness. “I’m not a resentful man, James. I’ll forgive you if you make it up to me. Go on I want you on the bed in ten seconds. Naked.” No, not now. But instead of protesting, Bucky obeyed._

_Every hit hurt. Not the good kind of hurt Bucky craved sometimes. He felt hollow and lonely although Brock was right beside him. “You deserve this,” the voice in his head was still whispering. “Nobody wants to keep up with you. You claim to be a Sub and don’t even want to get spanked? What Sub doesn’t like getting spanked?” The harder Brock hit; the further Bucky’s mind drifted away. He felt numb, each slap was barely a burn anymore and he didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t cry. Instead, he was silent._

_It could have been hours until his mind came back to him, he hadn’t even realized that Brock had stopped. He was shivering, his body cold from the sweat, and his backside burned from the hits. Bucky felt like crying, felt like screaming, and never waking up again, but no sound escaped his mouth. He was silent and he was alone, exactly how he had always been._

“-ucky? Bucky? Hey, talk to me. Bucky, please?” A concerned voice was pulling him back into reality while hands on his body shook him awake. “Oh god, Bucky. What happened.”

Bucky felt dizzy, his vision was blurred, and he had trouble focusing. Forcing himself to take a deep breath, he blinked a few times and tried to concentrate on his surroundings. Slowly, the memories came back. He was at Steve’s house in his bedroom. Steve with whom he had had the best sex of his life, Steve who had left him afterward. 

“You left.” Of course, his first words were an accusation, he was talented in pushing people away. 

But instead of anger, Steve answered with regret. “I’m sorry, Bucky. I just wanted to fetch you a glass of water. I didn’t want to give you the impression I would leave.”

Oh god. Bucky felt sick. Here he was, freaking out because Steve was leaving the room for a few seconds, blaming him although he had just wanted to do something nice for Bucky. Steve wasn’t Brock, but Bucky was treating him as if he were. Suddenly, fear was washing over him, leaving him cold and shaking. He didn’t want Steve to leave, he didn’t want him to see how broken Bucky was. 

He hadn’t even noticed that he was close to panicking again, his breath speeding up and his entire body trembling, but thankfully, Steve reacted just right. “Shh. Bucky, everything is fine. Calm down, I’m with you. Just breathe with me, baby.” Steve was good, Steve was perfect. How could he have ever doubted him? How could he have ever thought Steve was leaving him alone?

They didn’t say anything for a while. Bucky was lying on Steve’s chest, his head nestled against the author’s neck and Steve’s fingers drew patterns on his back. The panic was leaving but the guilt not. “I’m sorry,” Bucky said when he finally regained his voice. “I didn’t want to blame you. Please, don’t be mad.”

“Hey, hey, shh,” Steve’s voice was kinder than he deserved. “I’m not mad, baby.” Bucky sighed in relief. He had to remind himself that Steve wasn’t Brock, that he wouldn’t judge Bucky for freaking out. He was so afraid of being impossible to love, his own mind hung up on the past. It wasn’t reasonable and it was holding him back.

“It’s just, Brock, he…,” his voice was still thin, still shaking and Bucky hated it. 

Immediately, Steve tried to appease him. “You don’t have to talk if you’re not ready.” 

Bucky swallowed. He knew Steve wouldn’t force him to tell what had happened, but they were in a relationship and Bucky wanted to trust the author. If he didn’t talk about it now, he would never feel ready. “I want to. I have to.”

“Okay, baby. I’ll just listen.” Steve sat up on pulled him on his lap, their chests still pressed together. Bucky slowly started to feel warm again, the fear only in the back of his mind and he relaxed into the embrace, his face his against the author’s shoulder as he started to speak. 

“I’ve met Brock when I started college and he was my first boyfriend,” Bucky shifted uncomfortably but continued to talk. “He was amazing in the beginning, attentive, courteous, a real gentleman, but everything changed when we decided to move in together. It didn’t take him long to threaten to cheat on me.” Steve exhaled loudly and his grip became tighter. “I was young, I was naïve, and I wanted to stay with him, so I agreed to things that I didn’t really want. He told me he wouldn’t cheat if I could just give him what he needed.”

“Bucky,” Steve’s voice was hoarse, although he already knew bits of what had happened. 

“I always believed it was my fault, that he wanted someone else because I wasn’t good enough, not submissive enough. Bullshit. He talked me into trying things, expanding my limits further than I was comfortable with. The first time he spanked me was after he had told me about a new sidekick. _‘I don’t have to cheat on you anymore if you give me what I need, Bucky.’_ Well, he did it anyway,” Bucky snorted. “I woke up after that, went to Sam and stayed there, but I should have left him sooner. I always told myself that it was me, that’s so pathetic.”

“Hey, baby.” Steve buried his left hand in his hair and pulled his head back gently. Bucky was forced to look at his face and saw nothing but warmth, nothing but… love? No, that was too soon, wasn’t it? “You know it’s not your fault, don’t you?”

Bucky laughed dryly and buried his face back against Steve’s chest. “Yeah, I know. I just wish I had seen it sooner. You know what the worst thing was? He left me after the sex, every single time. I was always alone when I came back down, and I still didn’t leave him.”

Steve’s breath was pausing for a moment and Bucky noticed immediately that the author started to feel guilty. He wanted to explain that today wasn’t Steve’s fault, that maybe it wasn’t even Bucky’s. Every shit that had been happening in his life was because of Brock. 

“I’m sorry, Bucky. I didn’t know or I wouldn’t have left you alone.” Steve’s voice was trembling with regret and it made Bucky’s heart arch. 

“Hey, if you don’t want me to blame myself, don’t blame yourself, either. I didn’t tell you. You couldn’t have known.”

Steve nodded slowly and pressed a chaste kiss on Bucky’s forehead. “I’m glad you told me, baby, that you trust me.” He gave Bucky a big smile, stroked his back, and kept him close. “It’s important for me to take care of you after. Let’s make you hot cocoa and cheer you up. All right, sweetheart?”

Warmth was filling him, pride to belong to this perfect man. He hummed softly, wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist, and clung to him like a koala. Steve stood up, strong enough to carry Bucky down the stairs without breaking into a sweat and his strength made Bucky purr. He felt drained but finally happy again, his ass still buzzing from the spanking and the fucked-out state of his mind made him feel lighter than a feather. 

When they entered the kitchen, Steve set him down on the counter. Bucky’s ass burned as it touched the hard surface and he loved it, loved the reminder of Steve’s hands on his body. They didn’t talk much, Steve made two mugs of hot cocoa and Bucky watched him while he worked. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, none of them had to talk, they enjoyed just being together. 

With each passing minute, Bucky felt more and more stable again, his body stopped shaking and his body didn’t feel cold anymore. When Steve finished the cocoa and carried it to the living room, Bucky even managed to stand up on his own, walking over to the couch and cuddling himself into the soft cushions. The author joined him and pulled him between his legs until they were lying chest to back on the huge couch. 

The cocoa tasted amazing, like liquid chocolate, like coming home. Usually, Bucky only drank coffee, but this time, he appreciated the sweet taste. “Thank you, Steve,” his words were honest, so much more vulnerable than he had ever been before. The author smiled and pressed a kiss on his hair before he turned back to his cocoa and enjoyed the silence between them. 

They sat there for a few minutes, neither on them speaking until eventually, Steve broke the silence. “I’m glad I’ve met you, Buck. Even when the beginning had been shitty. I just wished we wouldn’t have met until the first dinner at Nat’s.”

_No!_ Bucky placed his mug on the couch table and turned around in the embrace until he was lying on Steve’s chest, able to look him into the eyes. “I don’t.” Steve’s eyes widened in surprise. “I’ve never told you that the first time I’ve talked to anyone about Brock was the day I’ve met you. It was good for me to open up. Being strong enough to use the safe word, gave me the courage to talk to Sam.”

Steve smiled, but it looked a little forced. “I guess, that’s something.”

Bucky tried to cheer him up and pressed a chaste kiss against his lips. He had forgiven Steve a long time ago since he could have reacted better as well, and Bucky would prove it until Steve would believe him. They kissed for a while, already sated, so the arousal was small enough to ignore. There was no rush in the kiss, no hunger, just a soft touch of lips. 

When Steve pulled back, he was glowing, smiling at Bucky like he never had before. “I love you, Buck. So much.” Bucky looked into his eyes, searching for any doubts, but the only thing he could find was honesty.

Warmth was filling him. Little butterflies danced through his body, making him feel giddy and he grinned madly. This man, this beautiful perfect man loved him. Bucky had never felt happier before. “I love you, too.”

The kiss Steve gave him in response was everything Bucky had ever dreamed of and for the first time ever Bucky allowed himself to be happy. He wasn’t alone, Steve was going to stay with him.


End file.
